Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Chris sends the first pages of Little Mountain, Big Trouble. The rest of the chapter is after the break. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
I don’t know if there’s an official definition of “bad start to seventh grade,” but getting beat up for the third time in the first six weeks works for me. It started that morning when I walked into science class. As I headed down the aisle to my seat, Tommy Soukup blocked my path. When I tried to slide past, he hip-checked me into a desk. One of the ways he messes with smaller kids. That or stuff someone into a locker for laughs.
Soukup’s way bigger than me and the best athlete in school. His jock friends think he’s a god. But he’s not perfect. He’s an ugly zitface who’s dumb as a rock. He usually has armpit stains on his shirt and smells like BO. As I caught my balance, he folded his arms and smirked.
“Whatsa matter, Melonhead, too fat to fit in the aisle?” His smirk grew into a lop-sided grin, revealing his crooked yellow teeth.
My legs wanted to jet me out of the room, but something snapped in my brain. Maybe I was fed up with his crap. Maybe I had nothing to lose. Soukup was five inches taller and thirty pounds heavier. If he beat me up and I spent a week in the hospital, I’d at least get a vacation from school. I glared at him and said what I’d dreamed up weeks ago but never dared say to his face: “If your brain was dynamite, Suckup, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off your head.”
The other kids in the room let out a collective gasp. Two girls giggled.
Good writing and voice. This reminded me of a similar thing that happened to me in junior high—I was the little kid, and there was a big bully. I handled it differently though, and the bully ended up a friend.
That’s neither here nor there, though. This opening satisfies the checklist in many ways, including something going wrong for the protagonist and an expectation of more trouble ahead, and those things raise good story questions. I will say, however, that this short chapter ends pretty much tension free, with no story questions popping up. Your thoughts?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2023 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 202c by Chris.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.
Continue reading "Flogometer 1173 for Chris —will you be moved to turn the page?" »