Flogging the Quill

Flogometer 1134 for Victoria — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Victoria sends the first page of Mourn Their Courage. As usual, the rest of the narrative is after the break.

Inside the Peach Orchard Inn, Lord Liu Jie expected to be murdered. He appreciated that he had a choice in how it might happen.

As to why it might happen, he reread the imperial notice posted behind the bar:

"The Son of Heaven requires the aid of all men as sons might come to their father. Yellow Turban rebels assault the people and threaten the capital. All districts report." A crimson imperial chop blazed in a corner.

He and his family had traveled for months and thousands of li to avoid this exact situation. He'd hoped to advise Emperor Xian, his nephew. Xian listened to corrupt officials. Everyone knew it. If Jie could convince the emperor to abandon his tax plan, people need not starve. Too late. They'd stopped at this inn and found the notice.

In a single moment, his mission had changed from one of protecting the people, to attacking them.

I've got over twenty men from home, plus Tong Zhang. Zhang is worth ten fighters, but still, it's not enough. If Jie did not recruit extra men to answer his emperor's call, he doomed himself, Zhang and men he'd known for years.

And if I recruit?

He looked over the inn's packed lower level. There were at least two hundred men to (snip)

Nicely written with a good voice, the narrative in this opening page invites the reader in. More than that, the strong hook in the opening paragraph not only ushers the reader in, it gives a push to want more. I wish the rhetorical question, And if I recruit?, had gone on to include some sort of stakes or consequences if he does. But, still, with that opening hook I’d risk a page turn.

I think this is a good start for a story that takes place in an interesting time.

For what it’s worth.

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Victoria.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1133 for Martha — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Martha sends the first page of Ghost Child. As usual, the rest of the narrative is after the break.

The Oregon coast, 1855

Lettie, exhausted, thirsty, and heartsick, dragged her young son by the hand, wondering if either of them could possibly take another step.

But she knew the white “Moving Men” would beat them if they didn’t keep walking, walking, walking.

The white men took our land, now they are making us leave it.

The blows she’d endured stung and burned, but there was a much greater pain Lettie endured: memories of her home, burned to the ground. Her man, dead, shot by the white man’s gun because he would not leave the house he had built. A house with cedar logs over the great pit he’d dug, with stones he’d hauled.

We had to leave behind much wealth, she thought. So many things we need. Things I spent many days collecting, cleaning and setting aside carefully: shells, woodpecker scalps, grey pine seeds, and clamshell money. Money that would buy food for me, my man, and my boy.

She’d lost her moccasins somewhere, and now, the sharp rocks she stumbled across cut her bare feel so painfully that when she glanced back to see how far they’d come, she could see her own bloody footprints.

And next to her footprints were the smaller, bloody ones of Little Buck’s.

The voice is good here, and the writing sound. And we are thrust immediately into the troubles a sympathetic character is experiencing. A story question comes up right away: what’s going to happen next to this woman and her little boy? The writing is pretty tight, but here are some editorial thoughts:

Lettie, exhausted, thirsty, and heartsick, dragged her young son by the hand, wondering if either of them could possibly take another step. ”dragged” gave me an image of the person being dragged on the ground, being, as it were, towed by a hand. Maybe something like “pulled her little boy along”. ”young son” feels cold to me. I think “little boy” would better communicate age and gender in a more natural way

But she knew the white “Moving Men” would beat them if they didn’t keep walking, walking, walking.

The white men They took our land, now they are making us leave it. No need to repeat white men here

The blows she’d endured stung and burned, but there was a much greater pain Lettie endured much greater pain: memories of her home, burned to the ground. Her man, dead, shot by the white man’s gun because he would not leave the house he had built. A house with cedar logs over the great pit he’d dug, with stones he’d hauled.

We had to leave behind much wealth, she thought. So so many things we need. Things I spent many days collecting, cleaning and setting aside carefully: shells, woodpecker scalps, grey pine seeds, and clamshell money. Money that would buy food for me, my man, and my boy.

She’d lost her moccasins somewhere, and now, the sharp rocks she stumbled across cut her bare feel so painfully that when she glanced back to see how far they’d come, she could see her own bloody footprints.

And next to her footprints were the smaller, bloody ones of Little Buck’s.

I think this is a good start for a story that takes place in an interesting time.

For what it’s worth.

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Martha.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1132 for Kate — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Kate sends the first page of Pay the Ferryman. The author does not want the rest of the chapter posted.

Exhausted from a week of listening to elderly women sing the praises of Sister Louisa, the previous Parish Visitor, I dragged myself to the home of the last shut-in on St. Mike’s roster.

Adele limped out to her front lawn in fuzzy slippers. She wore a thick

brown sweater over her floral puckered housedress. Though a warm day, she shivered in the breeze.

“What are you doing out here, Adele? You’ll catch your death of cold.”

“It’s June hon, don’t worry. I’ll die of the cancer first. But Daisy, what will become of her?” She pointed an arthritic finger to something up in the birch tree.

Her beloved cat, stuck in the tree, howled like a banshee.

“My cousin once coaxed her cat down by getting it to skittle onto a broom covered with a terry towel.” I said.

Adele let me assemble the makeshift landing pad in her kitchen.

We must have looked ridiculous poking at tree limbs, especially with me teetering on a step stool while Adele called out to her cat in an ever more rasping voice. Passing cars honked on the well-traveled street. After a while, a jaunty blue Chevy Caprice parked in front of my bug-eyed orange VW. A nice car for Adele’s humble neighborhood.

A 30ish man in madras shirtsleeves got out and ambled into our predicament. He caught my eye, a broad smile spreading across his face. Deep dimples framed his grin. A businessman (snip)

The voice and writing here are just fine. We’re introduced to a likable, empathetic character in What’s-her-name—the character’s name doesn’t appear until a few paragraphs from the end of the chapter. There’s no clue as to gender on this page, either. I think giving readers a character’s name right up front helps us start to create a “real” person in our minds, and we ought to know whether the character is male or female. So get that stuff up front. Should be easy—Where Adele says “It’s June, hon, . . .” could instead be “It’s June, Meg, . . .”

Okay, now that that’s taken care of, what about story? If you look at the checklist, item number two is Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character. The only thing gone wrong here is the cat up in the tree. Which is not a compelling problem. For one thing, cats generally find their ways down from the trees they climb into. Meg goes right to work to solve a small, non-critical problem. All is well.

Fundamentally, there’s no real tension here, no stakes that matter, no conflict. It’s all very nice. Meg helps Adele. People honk in a friendly way. And a nice man stops his car and comes over to them. Beyond the first page, the niceness and lack of tension continue. At the end of the chapter something does happen to create story tension . . . but will a reader get there?

A thought for Kate: what if the nice man who comes up starts the encounter with a challenge? For example, instead of saying “Nice day to climb a tree.” he says “Are you trying to kill that cat?” and informs her that her approach will never work. Instant conflict, instant tension, high stakes (kill the cat).

This can turn into an argument and more troubles. For example, instead of complimenting Meg on her solution, he criticizes it: "That will never work." She tries, the cat tries but nearly falls and ends up higher in the tree, more afraid. Then he comes up with his solution that works. We see more of her character and his as we see them handle this conflict. It can turn out that the man is just having a bad day in addition to his concern for the cat and he can apologize later, but this story needs some steam to get it moving down the track.

For what it’s worth.

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Kate.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

 

Flogometer 1130 for Pamela — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Pamela sends a revision of her first page of Malia’s Courage. As usual, the rest of the narrative is after the break.

Malia Hudson stared at the office email on the laptop screen as if the words could change. Flagged as urgent from the new business manager, she read it again.

Do not begin your morning agenda. Wait for me in my office immediately this morning.

Mr. Matthews

Not a friendly message. Her spine rattled. What the issue entailed, she had no idea. Not how she envisioned her first day on the job designing condos.

Scurrying out of her office, a fluttery sensation filled her abdomen. Her heels clicked along the tile hallway until she entered through the open door of the man’s empty office. Seated in a plush, leather chair in front of his desk, her toe tapped against the carpet, keeping up with her concerns. What could be so pressing on her first day at work? Or was something wrong?

Hands clammy, she splayed her fingers for a moment in an attempt to cool down. A gaze out the window across the central valley revealed the red landscape near her mother’s sacred burial site, tucked in below the majesty of grandiose Haleakala̅ Crater. What a comforting sight to help ease her nerves. So great to return home to Maui and find a much-needed job. But the way the manager’s email read nagged at her, so unlike the welcome emails from the director and company architect.

The protagonist, Malia, is clearly perturbed by the email. Why she interprets it as unfriendly is unclear to me--it’s brusque, but not overtly hostile. So we have tension in the character . . . but not, for me, in the narrative. We don’t know if she has a problem; none has been included. We don’t know the stakes of failing to deal with the problem that we don’t know she has.

To me, this opening and the bulk of the chapter that follows is setup. Characters are introduced, issue are raised . . . but Malia doesn’t acquire a problem other than being concerned about losing her job. Even though she is a sympathetic and likeable character, losing a job, without dire consequences, isn’t enough to make a narrative compelling, IMO. Try starting the story when something that truly threatens her happens and she is forced to act.

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Pamela.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1130 for M.C. — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

M.C. sends the prologue for Chrysalis. As usual, the rest of the narrative is after the break.

In the aftermath of Watergate, and at the direction of then-Director of the CIA Richard Helms, the majority of the records pertaining to MKUltra were destroyed in 1973. In spite of that action, four years later Freedom of Information Act requests were able to “follow the money” to approximately fifteen thousand declassified financial documents which had accidentally escaped destruction. These records documented that at least eighty institutions—including pharmaceutical companies, research foundations, institutions of higher education, hospitals, and clinics—along with approximately one hundred eighty-five researchers in both the United States and Canada, many of whom did not know where the funding for their research originated, were inadvertently providing their results to the CIA.

Funded projects included, but were not limited to, research into torture; drugs; physical, sexual, and emotional abuse; sleep deprivation; electronic stimulation; isolation; and hypnotism. Many of the projects involved experimenting on military personnel and civilians, both children and adults, without their knowledge or consent. Current U.S. policies regarding the necessity of informed consent from research subjects were developed as a direct result of the discovery of these post-Nuremberg human rights violations, which occurred on North American soil.

One of MKUltra’s projects—the one called “Monarch,” along with its many subprojects—focused its research on ways the United States could more successfully interrogate other nationals, (snip)

Ah, there’s nothing like a good, solid, meaty info dump to suck me into a story. Even better, the second paragraph offers a long list! Who needs story? I looked further, though, and found this at the start of the first chapter . . .

All of my perpetrators are dead.

I didn’t kill them, in case you’re wondering. I’m just telling you that on the front end because I’d be wondering about it, myself, if someone said that to me. I didn’t get to enjoy any type of closure or revenge—like personally choking the life out of them, or centering them in the crosshairs and experiencing the pull of the trigger, or plunging a knife in them as far as I could get it to go—maybe even more than once, if I could—or anything equally satisfying, even though many times I would’ve liked to. Some days, I still would. Their being dead is important to the story because it makes the telling of it possible. If they’d lived, I’m sure I’d be the one in the grave by now instead.

I grew up within spitting distance of a tiny speck-in-the-road known as Bumblebee. It always seemed to me that a more accurate name would’ve been Honeybee, since the name referred to the millions of inhabitants of a nearby three-acre stand of woods that burned down long before the town sprang up. The forest had grown back, eventually, so that by the time I came along there was new growth scattered in among the ancient tree trunks still standing where they had once reigned majestically over what became the town. Everyone from miles around went to those woods to gather their honey from the hives hidden in the charred and hollowed-out tree carcasses, or else they bought their honey from someone else, who did. Anyway, the name of the town had been decided on a lifetime before I was born and I never did find out why. Maybe it was because whoever (snip)

That first paragraph is enough to provoke a page-turn for me. Good voice, interesting hints at story. Unfortunately, the narrative descends into more info dump, long background stuff on the town and the family. Give me more of what the opening paragraph promises, weave the rest in as needed. This writer needs to put story first.

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2015 by M.C. Nelson.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1129 for Doriela — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Doriela sends the opening chapter for Larem. As usual, the rest of the narrative is after the break.

In a dream of mine, there lived a man with no name. I'm sure he very much had a name that was his, and was called it by someone who loved him. He came and went as he pleased: stood in doorways of castles whose towers had crumbled; perched on the edge of cliffs watching as I jumped; sat next to me on trains that sped past fields of yellow.

I never spoke to him – the Eyelash Man from my dreams.

Sleep.

I heard the sound of trickling water before spotting the steady stream trailing over the rocks beneath my feet, then over my feet.

Bending down to pick up a stone in my hand, turning it with my fingers, feeling the coarseness of it, the strength of it, and how very still it was. I controlled it, it couldn't move without me alone picking it up and now placing it back down among its friends, and I did so tenderly. Occasionally the water that flowed over the stone moved a pebble or two around it.

The river was low, I noticed, standing in the middle of the stream, the sides flanked by jagged rocky cliffs, the greenery above looking down at me with envy. I, close to the water.

Another rock caught my fancy, the same size as the first fitting perfectly in the palm of my hand, yet this one sparkled. Like a bright blue of a peacock feather with drops of glitter making it irresistible to touch.

I’m sure you’ve heard this before: don’t start your novel with a dream. I tried it once. Abandoned it after several drafts. This opening, with its dream, has some lovely, evocative description. Unfortunately, the description, and the dream, is about picking up rocks in a stream. A peaceful stream. Oh, that could change on the next page, but there’s no real tension here to provoke me to read on. Besides, so what if something bad happens in a dream? It’s just a dream. It’s not the real story.

In reading on, the dreams are important to the character, but I didn’t learn why. This opening one did not impact story. In terms of tension, there is the character receiving a diamond necklace from her grandmother which, unfortunately, does not seem like a problem, at least at the time.

There’s good writing here, but I didn’t see much in the way of story. Look over the checklist. Not only should your opening page have some of those elements, especially story questions, the rest of the chapter should as well. Find a point of tension, of trouble, and start there. Your thoughts?

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Doriela.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1127 for Pam — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Pam takes a second run at her opening page for Plans to Belong. The first version is here. As usual, the rest of the narrative is after the break.

What a surreal day. Malia Hudson embraced her old roommate, Sara at a Maui park. Seated at a picnic table, Malia’s voice cracked. “It’s great to see you after so long.”

“Welcome home, Malia. How was the job interview? Did you get hired?”

Shaded by the palms with trade winds blowing her hair behind her shoulders, Malia glanced downward, her voice soft. “I did.”

Sara tilted her head. “You don’t sound too happy about it. What’s up?”

Malia’s eye twitched. “I’m thrilled to have an environmental interior designer job. None too soon, with my college bills soaring and cash dwindling.” She drew in a breath. “But there’s a new manager. He said my designing is for the interior. No environmental concerns. If there’s a sacred area, it’s desecrated. I guess profit comes first. Yet mainland corporate accepted my environmental credentials for the position. My gut says something’s shifted all of a sudden. So now it’s choosing a paycheck and disrespecting Hawaiian values or not. I’ll check into it soon.”

“For starters, doesn’t he realize there’s even a law against billboards in Hawaii for aesthetic reasons? Can you work for such a development company?”

Malia rubbed the knot in her neck. “Maybe I’ll check with corporate HQ if necessary, but I know the manger wouldn’t like it. He might consider it insubordination. I’m on probation. I (snip)

I came across this on a post by David Corbett today at Writer Unboxed:

Novelist Les Edgerton once remarked that all stories are about one thing: trouble.

The protagonist here anticipates difficulties (they don’t seem to me to rise to the level of “trouble”) ahead for her, but there are no stakes involved, and it doesn’t seem personal. Much of this page is exposition with a little info-dumping for seasoning. I read ahead, and the first hint of actual trouble that might directly affect the protagonist comes at the very end. I think the story starts somewhere later. Try to find that point when trouble upsets her applecart and then weave in relevant background info as things happen. Your thoughts?

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Pam.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1125 for Edward — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Edward sends the first chapter from The Patch of Totality. The rest of the narrative is after the break.

Davey heard it first. Whatever “it” was. A snapped twig? A boot kicking over a stone? The declarative click of a gun’s hammer? Whatever it was, Davey came awake with a snap, jerking upright in his bedding, his duster sliding onto his lap.

I was a few feet to his left and opened my eyes to see him sitting upright, his mouth open, emitting a harsh whisper, “What’s that?”

There was no time to reply.

A light flashed among the trees to our right. I heard a terrific bang. Davey’s head jerked. I felt a spray of warm stickiness strike my face. Davey fell toward me. He hit the ground shoulder first, then his head smacked the hard earth of our campsite. He didn’t move.

Time seemed to stop while I stared at Davey lying on the ground. It had not. Flashes of light came from the trees, the noise grew louder, and the nervous whine of bullets cut through the night air. Brian, my younger brother, was on the other side of our almost burned down fire. I yelled, “Brian! Stay down!”

I rolled to the left, away from Davey, to the deadfall on the other side of our camp. Along the way, my arm hooked the Winchester I had left propped against a fallen tree branch. I hugged it to my chest as a drowning man might hug a piece of driftwood and rolled under the trunk of a fallen pine tree.

Nothing like a rip-snortin’ action scene to kick off a story. The scene is set in a not-obvious way; with twigs and boots and stones, we get that it’s outdoors. Otherwise, the action is clear and moves right along. I might make small editorial suggestions, but from a story point of view, this works. Your thoughts?

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Edward.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1123 for Pamela — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Pamela sends the first chapter Plans to Belong, an inspirational romantic suspense story. The rest of the narrative is after the break.

Something wasn’t right in their voices. But the messages Malia Hudson received from those phone calls didn’t disclose specific problems or complaints. What a distinct difference from yesterday’s upbeat calls. She bit the inside of her lip and tapped a pencil eraser against the notepad on the table. What did it mean? She’d check with Sara. A glance out the second-story window from downtown Kahului at the serene ocean with the lush, mountains beyond conflicted with the peaceful demonstrators’ wariness she’d sensed from the calls. Her instinct didn’t lie. The few workers present in the Office of Maui Relations conveyed a subdued atmosphere, too. No lively chatter today. Trouble looming against the local people? Malia grabbed the notepad to leave for Sara’s cubicle, but her old roommate wound her way through the office area amongst a few sparse tables and chairs. The OMR had few funds and didn’t require expensive décor. Instead, they focused on human rights and legal land use, thank heavens. Sara tossed her long, black hair behind her shoulders when she stepped in front of Malia’s table. “Thanks for volunteering these past few days. Any new information?” “I’ll say.” Malia rubbed the back of her neck to ease the knot forming. “I was about to make my way to your cubicle. A few peaceful protesters checked in with me. There was (snip)

While I like the idea of being in Hawaii, that’s not enough to pull me into a story. The protagonist has a feeling of unease, but the cause is on the vague side—her instinct feels something is wrong. But what? What does it have to do with her? Does it cause trouble for her? These questions are not story questions, they represent what’s missing here. The character doesn’t have to deal with anything that directly affects her life and wellbeing. To my mind, this is setup, and the rest of the chapter continues with that. The story starts after this chapter, IMO. Find the point when your character’s life is negatively impacted with something that she has to deal with and start there. Weave in all the background as she deals with things.

I know that advice like that can be discouraging, so let me share my experience when I was in a critique group in Seattle. I took in the third chapter of a novel, and one critiquer said, “This is where your story starts.” I thought at the time, thanks but no thanks, I need the reader to know all the stuff in chapters 1 and 2.

A month later I realized he was right, rewrote to bring some of the chapter 1 & 2 stuff into 3 and had a new and much better beginning.

Your thoughts?

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Pamela.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1122 for Ane — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Ane sends the first chapter On Sugar Hill. The rest of the narrative is after the break.

New York, October 31st, 1929

They say if you listen carefully on a moonless night, the trees on Sugar Hill whisper. Some believe it’s ghosts, crying for justice. That’s why our porch ceilings are painted haint blue—to keep the spirits away. The South simmers in ghost stories, but the only ghost I personally know of lurks in the wings of the Palace Theatre in New York City. He plays tricks on the actors, having been one himself.

With one finger, I draw back the curtain a quarter inch and peek out at the audience. I am, after all, in my favorite spot in the whole world, where make-up can turn even a plain Jane like me into a beautiful woman. Here, I’m Dixie Lynn, adored by audiences, a success—not Cora Fitzgerald, a disappointment.

In the first row, Madame Dressler, my vocal coach, watches all my performances and takes notes. She says to break into a Broadway revue I must perfect my singing voice. “Hard vork for expandink your vocal strength and range. Dat ees your tee-ket,” she tells me every week. I’d rather be an ingenue—a leading lady. But Madame Dressler says I don’t possess the required beauty. I need my voice.

As if I didn’t already know that.

Nobody’s certain from whence my other talent originated. The peculiar one. I don’t think (snip)

I have mixed feelings about this opening. I do like the voice quite a lot, the character is quite likable, and the writing is fine. But, for me, there’s little tension. No, make that no tension. She doesn’t have a problem, she’s not dealing with anything, and there’s nothing troublesome in sight.

I think the time spent up front on description of Sugar Hill is not well spent and, in fact, it’s misleading. The way it’s written, we think she’s in Sugar Hill. She mentions “here,” but we don’t know where that is. I think she’s in New York, but that’s not clear. I also think the advice from Madame Dressler is more words not well spent. Trim that down and at least give us an understanding of here unique talent.

Even then, there’s not much for her to worry about. In the chapter, she’s informed that her father has died (she has no love for him) and she returns home. An opening scenario that’s all too familiar. A young man from her past meets her train, and the glimmer of a romance is seen. But, still, she doesn’t have a problem to deal with, at least not in the first chapter.

In my view, something needs to go wrong before the first chapter ends, no matter how charming the narrative is. I think the true start of this novel is yet to come. I’d look for that place and then fill in the setup from the first chapter as needed. If it started there, I’m sure I’d read on. Your thoughts?

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Ane.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.