Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Jan has sent the first chapter of 55 Days. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
Joe reared back on his potter’s stool as a pain shot through his body, followed by a sickening rush of nausea. His fingers crabbed in a sudden spasm and slipped off the wet clay, sending the half-formed bowl off balance, thumping and banging like a car with a blown tyre.
Taut with frustration, Joe heaved his jerking foot off the pedal that turned the wheel and slammed his palm into the switch that turned off the machine. It hummed as it spun to a stop. Clutching his head, Joe cursed as the lopsided bowl slumped in on itself.
The third time it had happened in one week, shaming him even more.
# # #
“There ya go.” The old captain held Anna’s arm as she clambered on to the wharf in the fading light then handed up her shopping bags from the back of the boat. “Look out for those slippery steps.”
“Thanks, Skip. I appreciate the late ride home.”
She watched as he untied the line. With a final wave he turned the battered water taxi in a lazy arc out into the Hauraki Gulf, back toward the distant lights on the mainland.
Anna zipped up her jacket, picked up the two bags and set off, trudging up the only sealed road on the island. She inhaled deeply as the autumn mist rose from the steep side of the valley to kiss her skin. It was hard to believe it was already May. She usually loved the thirty-(snip)
Yet another well-written narrative . . . but it reminds me of a literary agent’s statement that “good writing isn’t enough.” In this opening, I don’t feel we are given enough information to either understand what’s going on or feel for the character.
I read on, of course, that being my job here. The narrative wound on with goings-on in the character’s lives, and there were hints of trouble . . . but I was frustrated by not knowing what the core issue was.
Finally, I learned that Joe is suffering from Huntington’s disease, a tragic and incurable disease. For my money, that needs to be included in the opening paragraphs in Joe’s POV. What happens in the studio are symptoms of the disease, and he should, I think, think of that. And of the distress it’s causing him—he will lose his livelihood and his art to the disease. For me, that should inform and illuminate what happens. His wife’s thoughts and attitudes make a great deal more sense if we know about Joe’s problem. And I wonder about him feeling shamed. Yes, I can understand that, but wouldn’t he also feel immense fear with the hand of death and tragedy on his shoulder?
I suggest you fold in the information we need about Huntington’s disease and its effect on his life and mind and then get to the other thing that’s needed here—a story question about a problem he/they has/have and what they do to try to address it. Your thoughts?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Jan.