Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Renee has sent the opening of Nature's Daughter. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
THWACK!
It was a solid blow to his shoulder, but the raider only stumbled. He neither fell nor dropped his burden. He whipped around to face me.
Taking several steps backward to stay out of his reach, I ordered, “Drop her and go.”
I would not have stopped his race toward the woods with the rest of the god-cursed attackers if that bundle across his shoulder had been a grain sack. I had caught up with him just outside of the tree line.
He made a slashing motion. I felt something brush past me, as if a light breeze. I raised my rake higher and repeated, “Drop her and go.”
I could see his eyes widen in the moonlight. He dumped the girl carelessly to the ground. “I will take you,” the raider snarled, lunging toward me.
I tried to strike him again, but he flung up an arm and it was as if an invisible hand yanked the rake from my hands. Before I could do more than gasp, one hand grabbed my arm while his other drew back in a fist.
Thunk!
The raider arched forward, his mouth opening on a silent scream before collapsing onto the ground. Wheeler stood a dozen or so feet away, his axe buried to the hilt in the raider’s back. I had (snip)
A good example of the virtues of beginning a story in medias res, in the midst of action. This opening does a fine job of raising a strong what happens next? story question. About the “invisible” hand—that sounds like magic, which adds interest for me.
I do have issues with the “It” that opens the first sentence. The pronoun has no antecedent, so its meaning is absent. I suggest being clearer. Perhaps something such as:
I gave the raider a solid blow to his shoulder with my rake, but he only stumbled.
I also doubt that Wheeler’s axe could be buried in the raider’s back “to the hilt.” A knife blade could go in to the hilt, but an axe head seems to large to do that. Your thoughts? Comments are greatly appreciated.
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Renee.