In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers and free BookBub books, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free BookBub books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the first page of Kings & Daemons, a fantasy. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
The moon shone fiercely, brushing aside any attempt by the clouds to diminish its radiance. Usually, the glow would have brought comfort, a respite from the night’s black embrace, but not this night.
Instead, it brought everything into stark contrast, creating shadows in which evil spirits might lurk, waiting to snatch the unwary who were foolish enough to walk the streets at this hour.
Except, nobody was left to walk these particular streets.
Doors hung askew on rotting hinges, thatched roofs sagged or had collapsed, and windows stared vacantly like empty eye sockets.
Rats scurried about, seeking something to eat. The bodies of the village’s inhabitants had long been picked clean, insects were few, and the malnourished rodents eyed each other hungrily. Soon they’d turn on each other, and only the strongest would survive, but only for a short while.
Next to the settlement had stood a vibrant forest, providing the building materials for the once-thriving community. Now the trees were rotting. Many lay fallen like slain giants, a stinking bog beneath slowly sucking them down to a watery grave.
Astren sighed as he surveyed the desolation, the bleakness almost overwhelming. One day, the whole world might look like this place.
You can read more here (free to Kindle Unlimited readers). This earned 4.2 stars on Amazon. The writing is okay, though I’d want to edit it. The issue here is where is there a commanding story question in all this setup? Not there. Later, the first chapter introduces a strong main character, at least at first blush. I don’t think this prologue gives you information that you need. Just start the darned story! Your thoughts? Comments welcome, they help the author.