In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers and free BookBub books, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free BookBub books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the first page of Killer Flowers, a cozy mystery. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
The wind howled outside on Friday afternoon in late October, and the lights flickered off for a moment while Christie O’Mara floated around the flower and gift shop. She flicked an imaginary wisp of dust off an antique cherry writing desk. She straightened a ribbon bow on the gigantic vase of fresh flowers sitting on the glass table next to her order station. A bouquet of balloons danced in front of the fan that she had placed strategically behind the display.
Christie clasped her hands together and smiled at the transformation before her eyes. She was ready for the grand re-opening the next day of the florist shop which had belonged to her grandma. Because it was the week before Halloween, she had decorated with a ghostly theme using witches and pumpkins against a purple and orange backdrop.
Six weeks ago, her mother had called with the sad news that Grandma Maude O’Mara had died unexpectedly. Christie recalled the many happy hours she had spent helping her grandma and Aunt Doris in the shop, and she grieved the loss of this special person in her life. She was thankful that she had been able to have a long conversation with her a week before her death, not knowing it would be the last.
Christie had spent weekends and summers at the shop. She had been fascinated to learn both the flowers’ names and their meanings. Her aunt, who was actually her great-aunt, her grandmother’s younger sister, had patiently taught Christie how to arrange flowers in beautiful (snip)
No poll, please comment instead. The cost of polls has gone up so, instead of a poll, please give your vote in a comment. Many thanks.
You can read more here. This earned 4.1 stars on Amazon. Maybe the cozy mystery genre typically features info-dump openings, but they don’t work for this reader. This is another writer who thinks the reader needs to know all this stuff before the mystery starts. I wouldn’t do that, if I were you. The mystery may be fine, but I wouldn’t be there when it happens.
But I looked further and, sure enough, found a good hook that could have been on the first page. She finds an envelope taped on the underside of a writing desk she’s readying to sell. In it there is this:
I hope you will ignore any rumors that I killed anyone. I swear it wasn’t me. There were a bunch of guys involved in the fight, but I didn’t know any of them. Maybe the sheriff will figure out the truth.
I would definitely have pursued a narrative that started out with that. Your thoughts? Please comment.