In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers and free BookBub books, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free BookBub books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the prologue of The Little Girl In the Wardrobe. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
Selena Goldberg sipped her rum and Coke and gazed through the restaurant window. She had a great view of the street: bright lights and gaudy colours of shopfronts and takeaways opposite. She wasn’t too pleased about the tables being so crammed together — the restaurant was busy for a Tuesday, occupied mostly by couples and families, although a few dined alone, no doubt away on business. Elbow to elbow with a pregnant stranger conducting a loud and tedious dissection of the menu with the waiter, she was grateful the man on her other side was quiet, at least. A busy restaurant meant the food would be good, she reminded herself, as her stomach rumbled.
‘What time’s the meeting tomorrow?’ asked Corey, picking up his lager and taking a swig.
‘Ten o’clock. It’ll last a few hours.’
She tried to hide her irritation. Corey knew exactly when the meeting was, of course — he just wanted to complain again about her dragging him along with her. He hadn’t been married long and clearly wanted to be back home with that new wife of his. He didn’t seem to care that, as his boss, she was offering him a valuable opportunity to better himself.
‘I still don’t understand why we need a new security system,’ Corey said. Selena resisted the urge to pull a face at him, and instead leaned forward so that she could hear him over the (snip)
The poll isn't working, but please share your thoughts, especially regarding the extra look that follows.
You can read more here. This earned 4.3 stars on Amazon. There’s not a lot to say about this opening other than ho hum. The writing is fine, but I see no tension here. No story question. No reason to turn the page.
But I looked anyway and, buried late in chapter 1, far from the beginning of the book, there was this:
‘Help me,’ the voice said.
During her years on the 911 desk, Josie had become very good at gauging different voices and guessed this voice belonged to a young girl, no older than ten.
‘You need the police?’
‘Yes.’
‘Can you tell me your location?’
‘I can’t . . . I don’t . . .’
The line went dead.
The phone rang again. The same caller. “This Josie. How can I help you?’
‘Please help me.’ There was a desperate edge to the girl’s voice.
‘I’m here to help you. What’s your name, dear?’
Anya.’
‘Okay, Anya, it sounds very quiet where you are. Are you not able to speak very loudly?’
‘No. Please help. He’s coming.’
‘Who’s coming, Anya? Are you in danger?’
‘He has a knife. He killed her.’
For me, the brewed up a strong story question and I was eager to turn the page. I frequently find the real opening of novels late in a prologue or a first chapter. A word to the wise--if your opening page isn’t doing well with the First Page Checklist, look deeper for the good stuff.
Your thoughts