Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Kevin has sent the first chapter of Insomnia. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
Thirty-six hours before he died in my arms, his voice echoed through my dream. I had been staring up through murky water at flickering starlight above me. The ocean salt burned my eyes. My lungs began to hurt. I needed air. Kicking upwards, I reached towards the light. When my head broke the surface, the first breath tasted of seaweed and fish. Where was I? Water stretched in every direction as far as the eye could see.
I wasn’t alone. Other people were bobbing around me, sucking in the warm sea breeze. Who were they? I spun around. People were all around me, in every direction. How did they get here? Elderly folk, children as young as six or seven; people of every shape and size. What was going on? Everyone looked bewildered. Did I know any of them? I didn’t recognize any of them.
Someone familiar. That was the question that would get repeated the most in math class the next day. Did you see someone you knew? Some people claimed they had. Some people saw celebrities. We hadn’t just all had the same dream. We had all been in the same dream. But I didn’t recognize anyone.
“Where’s the nearest beach?” an old man's voice nervous came from behind me. All around, similar murmurs could be heard. Up to three billion murmuring voices, if the news reports the next day were to be believed.
In terms of story questions, I think this is a strong opening page--we're advised to never open with a dream, but this dream is central to the story and works. I would turn the page to learn more about what’s happening. But I think there are narrative issues that need work.
First, lose the rhetorical questions. Just let the action flow and work in our imaginations. Yes, your character might well think these questions, but your readers will do that as well, you don’t need to express them.
And I was irritated by the lack of identity of whoever it was that died in his arms. I skimmed through the whole chapter and didn’t learn his identity. It’s important to know what this man meant to the protagonist. If it was his father, that would be much different from a stranger the narrator came across on a beach. Give us a name and a relationship for the dying man and you’ll have a much better start to this story.
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Kevin.