Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Shelley has sent the first chapter of The 13th Birthday. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
I tug on the last thick strands of my braid, bind it with one of my mother’s clips, and slip my gun into my pink holster. Swinging the front door open, I see Cassa slip on the wood sidewalk below, despite the sand shoveled, waving at me and grinning.
I know Cassa will ask about Papa’s speech, and I worry on what to tell her. I have to change Papa’s mind before tonight. He can’t make his speech. It will be dangerous for him. And me.
“Taya?”
“I’m ready,” I say, grabbing my coat off the hook by our front door. Cassa stands, silhouetted by the sunlight from behind, her breath steaming out like a dragon.
“The wood is slippery this morning,” Cassa says, buttoning her coat over her holster.
“I saw,” I say, laughing. She reaches out to touch the clip, holding my braid intact. “I remember this one,” she says softly.
I push down the familiar stir that rises when I think of Mother. I’m never sure if it’s anger or just plain pain.
“You two leaving early?” Papa asks, stepping out of his bedroom, coughing.
I reach for the warm pot of cunning root tea and pour him a cup.
“Good morning, Mayor Carmonday,” Cassa dips a slight curtsy to my father. “My mother (snip)
Good, clear writing and voice. There is a little POV break, the reference to the color of the holster. A character wouldn’t be thinking of that. There are continuity glitches, too. Cassa is on the sidewalk below, right? Then she reaches out to touch Taya’s braid. But the narrative never showed her coming up to the front door, and it needs to. Also, while she’s at the front door she pours a cup of tea for her father. The staging needs to be thought out and made clear.
So now on to story questions. Even though nothing happens to the character to immediately cause trouble, there is a hint of jeopardy ahead. While it does create some tension, I think it needs to be more deadly.
The reference to delivering the speech being “dangerous” to her and her father could be stronger. For example, could she fear that the speech will provoke an assassin’s bullet? Find a way to raise the stakes that this dangerousness causes.
I also think there’s a missed opportunity to bring in a bit of the world of this story that raises questions. On the second page, there is this:
Beneath us, in the steel tunnel deeply embedded in the earth, the rhythmic banging of metal on metal from the prisoners reaches my ears.
To make room for those two lines, here is an edit that gets them in:
I bind the last thick strands of my braid with one of my mother’s clips and slip my gun into my holster. Swinging the front door open, I see Cassa slip on the wood sidewalk below, despite the sand shoveled, waving at me and grinning.
She will ask about Papa’s speech, and I worry on what to tell her. I have to change Papa’s mind before tonight. He can’t make his speech. It will be dangerous for him. And me.
“Taya?”
“Ready.” I grab my coat off the hook by our front door.
“The wood is slippery this morning,” Cassa says, buttoning her coat over her holster.
“I saw,” I say, laughing. When I reach her, she touches the clip holding my braid intact. “I remember this one,” she says softly.
I push down the familiar stir that rises when I think of Mother. I’m never sure if it’s anger or just plain pain.
“Let’s go,” I say, grabbing her arm and taking care on the sidewalk.
Beneath us, in the steel tunnel deeply embedded in the earth, the rhythmic banging of metal on metal from the prisoners reaches my ears.
Your thoughts?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Shelley.