Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Suzie has sent the first page of Night Vision. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
“You’re going to meet the man of your dreams real soon, dear,” Skyler’s mother said, her strong soprano voice coming from Skyler’s cellphone.
Skyler hoped this was a pep talk. She could handle a pep talk. One of those “don’t give up on love” spiels people were prone to when you were getting divorced.
“It could be any time,” her mom continued, “but it will definitely be soon.”
Oh, no! Pep talks never included definite time frames. The spoon Skyler was using to stir the grain and molasses mixture on the stove slipped through her fingers. She grabbed for it as it disappeared into the mush. Ouch. Hot. She stuck two fingers into her mouth. She pulled them out so she could ask, “Have you been calling the Psychic Network again, Mom?”
“Francesca says he could show up as early as next week. You’ll be sure and dress nice, won’t you?”
“Mom!” Even as she rebuked her mother with her tone, she glanced guiltily down at the stained, over-sized, chambray shirt and worn jeans Cinderella wouldn’t have been caught dead in on her worst day.
“I know you don’t believe in psychics, dear—”
“They’re frauds, Mom. Scam artists. Every last one of them.” Skyler tried to bite her tongue. This wasn’t a new argument, but it seemed it was an irresistible one, because she kept going. “If (ship)
This is well written (except for that little POV slip with “soprano”) and the voice is inviting. I’m thinking that this is a romance story, and that’s fine. What isn’t fine, for me, is the lack of anything of significance affecting the protagonist that could cause her serious trouble. Even in a romance, there needs to be a story question or two, especially in the opening. The only story question that comes to mind here is whether or not a psychic will solve the romance problems her mother thinks she has.
The rest of the chapter includes a fun discussion of psychics and, finally, the problem she has to deal with—the loss of her ranch and livelihood (not romance). I think the setup stuff at the front of the story needs to be filtered in after something happens to force our character to do something. Your thoughts?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Suzie.