Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Sara has sent the first chapter of We Are Stardust. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
This isn’t the first time Calida Cyrene has been dragged into the middle of nowhere to be murdered, but she gets the feeling this will be the one that sticks.
She’s on her knees atop cracked earth rimmed with fertilizer deposits that glint under the midday sun. That vacant Colorado farmland stretches uninterrupted from one horizon to the other. The triggerman standing behind her with a gun pressed to the back of her head seems more motivated to ensure her body isn’t found than those who tried to kill her before. She’s not sure if that means she’s getting closer to the answer she’s been seeking for the last ten years or if this particular hitman just has more respect for the job than his predecessors.
“You don’t have to do this,” she says, though she knows it won’t change a thing. There’s no escape this time. Her blood boils at the idea. Not because she’s all that adverse to death, but because she hasn’t finished yet. “Whatever your boss thinks I have, I don’t.” (She does.)
She turns against the barrel of the gun to get eyes on him. The assassin snaps a picture of her with his phone, then pushes the gun against the side of her head, forcing her to look forward again. It won’t take long for him to get confirmation back on the photo, which means she has maybe ten seconds before he pulls the trigger. It will be a long ten seconds, she’s certain of that. Time never moves slower than when you’re anticipating a bullet crashing through your skull. Time’s funny that way. Calida was with her daughter for four and a half years. It took less than (snip)
Sold! The opening paragraph produces a powerful “what happens next” story question, and the rest of the page just piles on the tension with ten seconds before the trigger is pulled. Nice work. However, I do wonder about the “That” that starts the second sentence in the second paragraph. Easily fixed, of course. Strong voice, good writing, lots of questions. Well done. Your thoughts, readers?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Sara.