Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
John has sent the first page of Tiger in the Kebund., a nonfiction novel. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
“Shall we go to Kari Restaurant tonight?” Adelaide said.
I had barely walked in the back door; put my suitcase down in the laundry room, given her the obligatory hug and kiss when she made that statement. Perhaps it doesn’t seem like a statement. It sounds like a question, after all. But then you have to know my mother. She had a way of guiding us into an agenda that made us feel no compulsion. Coercion was not her style. If anything she was pleasing and charming. If you said she was poised and elegant you would not be far off. Her stylish oriental blouse with dark blue skirt also hinted that we were going out tonight. It didn’t matter that I might be tired from traveling in thin air all day. I was now required to be filled with enthusiasm and vigor and almost always that was exactly how you felt when you were in her company no matter your composure when you entered her fellowship.
I am Adelaide’s son. We were going to Melissa’s secondary school graduation at White Mountain School in Littleton, New Hampshire the next day – Friday June 9, 1995. Melissa is my only daughter, Adelaide’s youngest grandchild. I became accustomed to calling her Adelaide in the abstract after the events that occurred that Friday. When I was growing up it was always Mommy and Daddy but as my adult years emerged it became Mom but mostly again in the abstract. We very seldom used any appellation in casual conversation, always just saying ‘Hi, how are you?’ or ‘Bye, talk to you next week.’ We never used the “Love” word. It was never (snip)
I like the voice and the writing is very good. I’m going to tread lightly here as I’m not much familiar with nonfiction novels. For me, this reads as something I’d call a literary novel if it were fiction.
I say that because the first chapter is heavy with backstory and setup. The narrative takes 250 words just to describe the journey from the airport to the narrator’s home. Not much tension there.
The only hint of a story question in the early pages is on the first page: “after the events that occurred that Friday.” That sounds like something significant happened, but that tease is quickly left behind. This just isn’t my cuppa book, but the writing is strong enough to suggest that reading on could pay off—but not for me. Your thoughts, readers?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by John.