Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Mika has sent the first page of From Puck to F*ck,. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
I’m not a wedding kind of girl. That’s right. I’m about to walk down the aisle of the church Andy’s family has gone to for however many generations they’ve been in San Francisco—to take him as ‘my lawfully wedded husband,’ or whatever shit our vows say—and I’m thinking this is just so not my jam.
I don’t have anything against marriage. Obviously. If I did, I wouldn’t have said yes to Andy’s popping-of-the-question at a Giants baseball game, where he paid someone to let him propose on the stadium’s jumbotron so I could answer in front of forty-thousand some-odd baseball fans who waited with baited breath to see whether I’d say yes or no.
Andy wasn’t wondering, though. He knew what I’d say.
He’s confident that way.
That’s how he made it to the San Francisco City Council, and why he’s being talked about as future mayor.
And I do honestly want to marry him. He’s good-looking, from a long-time San Francisco family like me, is smart and ambitious, and isn’t after me for my money. Within days of Andy’s proposal, where, by the way, the Giants lost the game, the wedding industrial complex descended on me, ramping from zero to sixty so fast I never had time to think through the gravity of what I was about to do. Emotionally buried in lace, ten (snip)
The writing is strong and the voice very likeable. But those qualities don’t create the tension an opening page needs to get the page turned. That takes a strong “what happens next?” story question. Here we have a young woman suffering some anxiety at the beginning of her wedding, but there’s no real threat to her happiness or to her life as far as we know it. There’s no trouble hinted at for the near future, nothing for her do deal with here other than a case of nerves. There’s also a fair amount of setup about the groom that isn’t really needed at this point. The real trouble doesn’t get on the stage until the end of the chapter.
Here, created with bits of narrative in this prologue, is a potential first page that raises a dynamite story question:
I’m about to walk down the aisle of the church Andy’s family has gone to for however many generations they’ve been in San Francisco—to take him as ‘my lawfully wedded husband,’ or whatever shit our vows say—and I’m thinking this is just so not my jam.
Me and my three bridesmaids are scrunched into the bride’s room—which is really not much more than a closet.
Music starts playing from somewhere deep inside the church. Time for us to queue up for our walk down the aisle.
Lucy moves for the door. “C’mon guys. That’s our cue.”
We start to follow, but Andy’s twin sister, Aliz, is rooted in place. She sighs and swallows with a grimace, like she just tasted something bad. She looks around the room, then down at her perfect manicure. “I… I have to tell you something, Petal”
Aliz runs a finger along her hairline like she’s mopping up perspiration. Come to think of it, she is looking a little shiny. “Look, Petal. My brother is an asshole. You need to know this.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” I ask in a quiet voice.
She leans closer. “What I mean, Petal, is that I’m pretty sure my brother’s sleeping with Jessica. You know, his friend from college.”
A loud guffaw explodes from my throat. “Aliz, I love your sense of humor.”
Your thoughts, readers?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Mika.