Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Suzy has sent the first page of a middle-grade novel. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
Two Days Before the End of Sixth Grade
The sky turned the color of boiled carrots on the day Blaise learned the truth about his mom. And his dad. Outside his bedroom window, the sun looked more like an angry red amoeba than a warm, yellow ball. And beneath it, a strip of soot. Like a black marker swiped across the afternoon sky. Thicker and darker than yesterday.
He sat on his platform bed and dipped his chin to get a better view of the sun’s fiery rays. The brightness burned, but he couldn’t turn away. He leaned sideways, creaking the old mattress, and pointed. “Look.”
Next to him, his best friend, Dillon, fiddled with the lock on a rusty tackle box. “Would you stop worrying?” He kicked the heels of his sneakers against the three-rung ladder. “The fires are far away. Besides, we’ve got more important things to deal with. Like your little sister. She can’t hear this.”
“She …” The word squeaked out. Blaise took a deep breath. Did he smell smoke? “She’s in the kitchen. Coloring.”
“Great.” Dillon slipped a string off his neck that held a tiny gold key. He unlocked the tackle box, and the lid screeched open.
Blaise tore his eyes from the window and peeked inside, spotting the night-vision goggles (snip)
The opening paragraph has a good tease in it. (sidebar: in my world, raw carrots and boiled carrots are the same basic orange). However . . . I think more hints of jeopardy to come are needed in the opening page. Thoughtstarter: first, establish that the colors are from wildfires. You can do this in the first paragraph. No sense on holding back, and today's readers surely know about wildfires.</p>
<p>You later have good stuff about the wind. Move that up to be the second paragraph and include this sentence from later :
Wind made strong fires stronger. Carried flames higher. And closer.
That would foreshadow serious trouble coming his way. Your thoughts, readers?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Suzy.