Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Ronald has sent the first chapter of Pell Yarwood. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
After making certain Selwyn, Arabelle, and Eli were safely aboard his friend’s ship and headed for Old Boshem, Pell Yarwood sat in his lakeside cabin drinking wine and scratching Trout’s floppy ear. The dog leaned against his thigh as if sensing his heartache.
Pell had lost a good friend yesterday; just one of so many during the past four thousand years or so. Hume Renny had been the last in a long line of heartbreaking losses. As he thought fondly of his time with Hume — killed by a stray arrow meant for someone else — Pell recalled the first time this sort of tragedy devastated his life.
It had begun as one of the best days of his young life, but ended as the very worst.
Against his will, his mind drifted back for the millionth time. And as always, he did his best not to let the memory end with him in a wash of tears. But he knew it would be another wasted effort.
Suddenly, the painful memories of that day nearly five thousand years ago consumed him once again…
* * *
…Broken-Axe Lake grew choppy in the late afternoon as Pell piloted his fishing boat back to the docks in Doebry. Even though the lake had become a bit rough, he couldn’t help smiling.
This is the third best day of my life, Pell thought as his smile broadened.
The writing is just fine, and the voice is inviting. The writing is not the issue. The issue is the opening inviting me to indulge in a flashback. Which means to not carry on with the story you first introduced me to.
The opening did stir up considerable interest at the information that the protagonist is thousands of years old. But then the narrative leaves that fascinating tidbit behind for not-the-story.
Later we learn that the worst day in his life was the day his young, pregnant wife was killed by an unknown archer for an unknown reason. My advice: start in the market with Pell within hailing distance of his pregnant wife as he hurries to tell her about his wonderful fishing haul when an arrow hits her in the stomach. Recast all that happens next into as much real time as you can and leave the flashback out of it. If you need to move from this terrible scene to a later, present time, that’s easily done.
The ending of this chapter introduces three glowing, floating figures appearing to our drunken protagonist. That, along with the tragic shooting of his wife, is the start of a story I think I’d be interested in.
Suggestion: go through the first-page checklist with your manuscript open and see how they compare.
Readers, your thoughts?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Ronald.