Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Victoria has sent the first chapter of Loving Georgia Caldwell. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
Georgia Caldwell stood in the shadows beside the hangar’s open doorway, watching a sleek private jet roll to a stop on the concrete apron. She pulled the brim of her Stetson lower and narrowed her eyes against the glare of the bright June sunshine as a hatch in the side of the jet’s fuselage opened, automatically lowering a short set of steps.
She hadn’t seen Ty Harding in two decades, but there was no mistaking his blonde head as he stepped out of the doorway. He glanced towards the hangar, and she saw the lean hard planes above his cheekbones and tight, angular jaw. He wore jeans and a windbreaker over a plain white T-shirt instead of the Armani suit and hand-tailored silk shirt his website boasted he favoured. He liked John Lobb’s double-buckle shoes but wore regular, square-toed cowboy boots today. He paused at the top of the steps to speak to the member of the flight crew handing him a carry-on case.
Georgia pressed her lips together, buttoning down the surge of heat that swept through her, ignoring the liquid sensation in the pit of her stomach.
Damn him.
It was so wrong that he should have this effect on her. She saw him pause and look about, knowing he was expecting his mother to collect him. Georgia caught the moment he saw her, his eyes widening with recognition, then filling with concern. He hurried down the steps and walked (snip)
I’m thinking that this is a romance and, coming at it from that point of view, I think the story questions raised were good enough for a turn of the first page. But I think it could be stronger.
First thing I’d do is cut this sentence
He paused at the top of the steps to speak to the member of the flight crew handing him a carry-on case.
That would free up some space to increase the stakes here. I would look for a way to introduce the father’s heart attack, maybe right after Ty’s eyes fill with concern. She could wonder how he would take it, or wonder what he would think of the woman bringing him news about his father’s heart attack. Your thoughts?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Victoria.