Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Jill has sent a revision of the first page of Get Up Eight, a YA novel. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
Like every morning for the past five months, I wake in the fetal position, then remember I’m safe, so force myself onto my back, stretch out my legs, merge my fingers behind my head and let my bent arms drop into a confident, relaxed position.
Like every morning, this ‘relaxed’ position tugs at the scars on my chest but the pain eventually recedes until it’s bearable. The dorm is dim and mostly silent except for a rustling sheet, a few quiet snores and the endless far-off whispering of Crystal Creek Falls.
Unlike every morning, Keeper Sam barges into our dorm long before our usual wake-up time, flicks on the lights and announces, “Yoga! Now! Outside!”
What the hell? I hop down from my upper bunk and lean over Tracker below. “Track, something’s up.” I shake his shoulder gently. “Did you hear Keeper Sam? You gotta get up.”
Lying on his side, Tracker doesn’t move. My fingers gently push his long black hair off his face and back behind his right ear. He probably lost sleep to another nightmare.
“C’mon Track.” I turn to our dresser and pull out our green uniforms as our fourteen bewildered dormmates do the same. “There appears to be some kind of yoga emergency.”
I toss his uniform to him as he slowly rolls over and pushes himself upright.
“Rhino, dude, you got me at ‘yoga emergency.’” He yawns. “Is that even possible?”
We don our uniforms and head to the stairwell with our dormmates. The girls are already
The writing and the voice are good, the character likeable, and we quickly understand where we are. And there are some questions raised: what danger is she safe from? What do the scars on her chest mean? So far, so good. But then, for me, the story loses steam. She and her dorm mates are awakened for a yoga class. Things have suddenly turned benign and there’s no hint of trouble ahead for the character. And that’s what’s needed to create a strong “what happens next?” story question.
I’ve taken the liberty of digging deeper into this first chapter and pasted together parts that create a very different opening. It may miss the mark or take a turn she won't like, but it's just a thoughtstarter on crafting a more compelling narrative. See what you think.
“You’ll be doing tree pose for three minutes, in groups of four,” the Keeper yells above the rushing water of the waterfall, gesturing to four spray-painted circles near the rim of the ledge overlooking the falls.
Translation: You’ll be balancing on one leg at the edge of a thirty-foot drop-off while Upper Crystal Falls batters you with spray and rapids churn below.
So now I’m standing motionless on my left leg, way too close to the drop-off, my right foot pressed against my left thigh, pointing down, hands at chest level in prayer pose, eyes focused on the moss at the top of the cliff across the rushing water below.
And on my right, close enough to touch, is Sesh, also perfectly balanced, also pretending not to notice me as I pretend not to notice her.
Her father, Andy Sessions, had been murdered along with his wife and older daughter while dining in a private room at a restaurant. Sesh got there late from soccer practice and walked in on the carnage, the bodies, the blood, the killer busily carving his initials into her family’s chests—Macy Falk, our new national villain.
When Macy Falk went to trial for his horrendous triple murder, my father, Daniel Rogers, was his defense attorney. And thanks to my dad, Macy Falk walked free.
A slash of waterfall spray drenches me and Sesh eyes me teetering on the ledge.
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2025 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2025 by Jill.