In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers and free BookBub books, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free BookBub books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the prologue of The Midwife, billed as a psychological thriller. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
The woman and the girl sat together on the sofa in the living room, the lighting muted to just the lamp on the side table, the late night shut out by the closed curtains. The girl was curled into her, her head resting against the woman’s stomach. She didn’t seem capable of crying. Something had been switched off, a fuse short-circuited that had dried up her tears. Instead, she sat motionless, her body coiled like a cat’s, quietly absorbing the caresses of the woman’s fingers against her fine hair. The woman didn’t say much; she didn’t know what to say. The girl would speak when she was ready.
The question seemed to come from nowhere, when the truth was that it had probably been carried within her for weeks.
‘What’s a guardian angel?’
The words pierced the woman’s heart. She stroked the young girl’s dark hair, her eyes moving to the ceiling as she sought the right answer. ‘It’s an angel who looks after someone, who protects them. You can’t see them, but you can feel them there sometimes, when you need them most.’
The room was bathed in silence for a moment as the answer was absorbed.
‘Like you, then. Are you my guardian angel?’
The woman smiled sadly. If only that could be true, she thought. ‘But you can see me, my (snip)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BBR1XKQC?_bbid=144361133&tag=noteworthy_cohort_b_email-20
You can read more here. This earned 4.0 stars on Amazon. I have mixed reactions to this opening. Oh, the writing and voice are fine and promise a writer to be trusted to do a good job. On the storytelling front, I didn’t feel any compelling story questions coming from this. On the other hand, the mood is strong and evocative. The child is troubled in some way, and perhaps that’s enough of a story question. Will she feel better? Will the woman help her? Can she? I do wish names were used. I waffling my way to a page turn, but need something to happen soon. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.