In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging BookBub books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of The Thorns Remain. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
The sun was shining on the day that the village of Brudonnock disappeared. The sky was a blazing blue, bright as topaz, and no one walked beneath it. The wind trailed its fingers through the forest, rustling through birch leaves and pine needles. The smithy ticked quietly as it cooled; spiders crawled across the kirk door.
Even the forest was quiet. No deer calves stumbled through the bracken, no wood pigeons cooed among the trees. The vast shape of Ben Macdui wavered like an uneasy shadow in the distance. It, too, was silent. Waiting.
It was not waiting for long.
Slowly, a figure came into view, limping along the dusty Aberdeen road. It picked its way across the path, shoes in hand. Long, curly, mushroom-brown hair shifted in the breeze, and a long skirt swept up clouds of dust in its wake. The girl came closer – hungry, sunburned, swaying – and shaded her eyes, staring at the village.
Even from the path, she knew that something was wrong.
She put her shoes on and half-ran, half-stumbled back into the village. She skidded to a halt, dust billowing around her ankles, sweat trickling down her spine. Her eyes darted around, taking in the closed windows, the locked doors, the unused chimneys, and dread started to trickle into her mind.
You can read more here. This earned 4.1 stars on Amazon. Well, that first paragraph is a grabber. And our interest is heightened as details trickle through and then introduce a character who is troubled, weary, and perhaps a bit injured. Strong story questions: where did the village go? How did it go? What will happen to the girl. I wanted more. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.