In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers and free BookBub books, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free BookBub books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of How She Fell. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
If someone had told me that, at eighteen, I would be engaged and a mother-to-be, I would have told them they were bonkers. Like lock ’em up nuts. But the universe had special plans for me. It had been scary when I learned I was pregnant, but knowing I would have him by my side eased the worry away.
Rummaging through Este and my closet, I searched for the right dress to wear for the proposal. The crimson fit and flare would be perfect. Plus, it would disguise my growing baby bump. I pulled it out, stepped in front of the mirror, and held the dress up to my body. The deep red against my tan skin would drive him wild. Pair the look with a dark lipstick, and it would be perfect for the most important night of my life.
A twinge in my belly made me grimace.
“Are you okay?”
“Must have been something I ate. I’m fine.” Or the baby was unhappy about something. Baby needed to calm down. Its daddy was about to propose, and our life together would be wonderful.
Another cramp.
Este scrunched up her face. “Are you sure? Maybe you should cancel.”
She worried too much and had for as long as I could remember. I often teased her that (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.7 stars on Amazon. The writing and voice are good, but what about the storytelling? The only tension in this narrative was generated by my knowledge, as a reader, that when all seems fine things are about to go wrong.
That’s not enough. It’s what is happening in the story that should create reader tension. There’s really not much of that here. Oh, a cramp or two, but that’s hardly menacing. Gets a pass from me. One more thing, though—in the opening pages the narrator gets her sister to take a picture of her with a camera. Later, at the location of what’s to happen, the sister has forgotten her camera and leaves to get it (I think, not clear). This novel has a 2022 copyright date, but totally ignores that a modern teenager would be taking pictures with her phone, not a camera. And would not forget to take it to the expected proposal. Not real. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.