In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers and free BookBub books, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free BookBub books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the prologue of The Girl Who Vanished. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
She looks down as she walks, concentrating hard, following the messy trail of treasure, a ribbon of stones and seaweed running along the sandy shore parallel to the water’s edge. She crouches down, not caring if the water laps in and catches the bottom of her shorts, and sifts through a promising spot, hoping for a crab leg, a stone with a secret stripe of quartz or, the greatest prize of all, a cowrie shell.
The sun is warm on her arms and the back of her legs. Her hat with daisies on it is protecting her neck and there’s a tiny breeze blowing in from the water.
A shadow falls across her and she shivers.
She looks up and sees a tall, dark figure against the bleached-out sky, bare feet on the sand, head almost touching the sun.
‘Your mum’s looking for you. She’s really worried.’
She looks past the woman’s legs at the crowded beach. It’s a kaleidoscope of windbreaks and fold-up chairs, clutches of people and towels all over the sand like crazy paving. She has no idea where Mum and Danni are.
‘Come on, let’s get you back to her.’
She holds out her hand. It’s a beautiful hand – long fingers and painted nails.
The girl picks up her bucket and spade and slips her grubby, gritty hand into the hand of the stranger.
You can read more here. This earned 4.5 stars on Amazon. I generally don’t care for prologues, but this one—thanks to we readers’ knowledge of the terrible things that happen to children in our world—in this one I can easily anticipate bad things ahead for an innocent little girl. The author slips in little clues to heighten the mood, the chill when the shadow crosses her, the hand going into that of a stranger. I wanted to know what happened next. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.