Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Lisa sent the first pages of Kin and Karma. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.
Goldie Guilderon looked as ridiculous in death as she had in life. Sprawled in her ratty lounger, ever the sloth, crumbs littered her plump lips, drooping jowls, and the high neckline of her Mother Hubbard dress. Her Schnauzer swept its whiskered muzzle over her lap, inhaling bits of Hobnobs, tiny paws prancing free of Goldie’s quivering rolls of dead flesh.
Bane Sorsby crouched beside the chair and studied the scene.
Milk residue coated Goldie’s hairy upper lip where a housefly now bathed. Blood still dripped from the kitchen knife’s blade embedded under her many chins. A fork’s tines punctured her right eyeball. Her left, the lazy one, crossed at her nose.
She had been a worthless mooncalf, poorly equipped for life, and her constant complaints had tested his ability to abide by her daily. Addicted to her nightly soaps, she wallowed in the misfortunes of others, incessantly vocalizing her own never-ending list of perpetual problems.
Nobody would miss her. No one would grieve her loss.
Bane mourned for himself. His mind was already slipping back into the madness of the void. His tether to sanity stretched tight as a cocked bow. Already he could sense the heavy burden of isolation. Death wasn’t darkness. His existence on the outskirts of life was his penance, his version of Hell
Good writing and a strong voice get this opening off to a good start. While the dead woman certainly wasn’t attractive, her demise raises good story questions. Who killed her? Was it Bane, the point of view character? If so, why? Lisa didn’t want the rest of the chapter posted because she felt it needed too much work. But, for me, this was a strong start. Page turned. Your thoughts?
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2023 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2023 by Max.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.