In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of Spirit Girls, a paranormal mystery. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
I should be afraid, but I’m not. The shadow figure stands at the end of the hall, her face turned away from me. The exit sign above her glows red in the moonlight. Doors line the hallway, leading to patient rooms in the abandoned hospital. One of them slams shut; no one is near it. Dust sifts down from the ceiling, and the sound echoes through the old building.
“I know you’re upset, but we are not here to hurt you,” I tell the figure. Another door slams and the figure moves closer. No feet are visible, but I can hear the footsteps.
Behind me, I hear Mickey, my assistant with the camera, gasp as the shadow looms close to my face.
“I can hear the steps,” she whispers. “She’s right in front of me,” I tell her. “Keep filming.”
A hand reaches for my face. Every instinct tells me I should be terrified, but I’m more curious.
“What do you need?” I ask the figure.
The woman’s face peeks out behind long hair. The mouth is drawn and the eyes are dark. She touches my face and my skin grows cold.
“You can see me?” she asks.
I nod, fighting the urge to pull my face away. I don’t want to startle her or she will (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.4 stars on Amazon. While this could use a little editing to tighten it up, I think it delivers on story questions—what will the ghost do? Will the narrator be harmed? Is there trouble ahead? What happens next? Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.