In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of the first novel in the Sam Harris Adventure Boxset (three novels). A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
Calderon, Sierramar 1996
The rain poured down on Calderon, obscuring the El Grande volcano which loomed over the capital of Sierramar, throwing a heavy shadow of doom over the city. Every time Sam Harris landed at Calderon airport, she wondered why people lived on the slopes of an active volcano. On each occasion, she dismissed her fears of an eruption, reasoning it would not happen while she lived there, an irrational belief at odds with her geological knowledge.
Outside the airport terminal, the usual gaggle of taxi drivers fought over the tourists, desperate for their gringo-based fares into Calderon. Sam held tight to her trolley and stood on tiptoe to avoid their pleas. A high-pitched shriek parted the taxi drivers like the Red Sea, and a brightly coloured tornado whisked her up in a tight, perfumed hug.
‘You’re here. I can’t believe it,’ said Gloria, fat tears of joy leaking down her cheeks, taking globs of mascara with them.
‘If you cry, I shall leave again,’ said Sam.
She squeezed her friend with real affection and then released her with fake efficiency. ‘Now, where’s David?’
‘He’s over there in the car.’
‘By himself?’ said Sam. Gloria shrugged. Sam headed for Gloria’s car, pushing her (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.6 stars on Amazon. I chose this set of three because it’s great to buy three novels for 99 cents—if, that is, it looks like good reading. While this opening page gives a good sense of setting, what else is there? The character arrives and meets a friend. That’s it. Nothing to make me wonder what happens next? We need for the protagonist to have to do something more strenuous and fraught than hugging. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.