In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of The Second Marriage. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
‘Lily, will you marry me?’
He was down on one knee, holding out a tiny black box, the lid hinged open. A beautiful diamond ring was wedged into a white satin cushion. I let out a gasp and put my hand to my chest. Edward looked up at me, smiling. The corners of his mouth and eyes were etched with fine laughter lines. His grey hair shone in the candlelight like polished steel.
‘Well?’
The other diners had put down their forks and were watching us openly, nodding and smiling like we were part of the evening’s entertainment.
I hadn’t seen the proposal coming, even though he’d told me to dress up for the evening and brought me to one of the most expensive restaurants in Soho. Not even the bottle of vintage champagne had given the game away. I wasn’t used to love moving so fast. My previous boyfriend had taken seven years to decide I wasn’t the one for him, but Edward had made up his mind after as many months.
‘Please say something,’ he said. ‘This is getting embarrassing.’
‘Yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you.’
His eyes lit up and his shoulders dropped. The whole restaurant burst into applause.
‘I didn’t realise we had an audience,’ he said, blushing.
You can read more here. This earned 4.2 stars on Amazon. I have a two-word reaction to this opening page: “ho” and “hum.” It’s a sweet scene, but there’s no tension. He proposes, she accepts. No worries shown. No problem or issue for her to deal with. No reason to turn the page.
Much later, though, after tons of setup stuff, came this from her new stepson:
’She’s not dead, Lily. Mummy’s still alive.’
Open with that and you’ve got me. All the setup can be folded in as the story takes off with that. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.