In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of Domino Theory, dystopian science fiction. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
Bella Pink put it best: “The rising temperatures will be the death of fashion.”
The famous Icelandic designer might not have been thinking specifically about this unbearable Southern California heat, but her words come back to me now as I flee for my life, sweating all over my adorable, multi-layered top.
Bursting out through Special Rejects’ front doors, I come within inches of taking out the bouncer. Only a split-second instinct on my part avoids a collision that would have halted my escape before it began. As I tear down the wooden pier, my sprint draws gaping looks from the line of people waiting in line to enter the club.
“Iris!”
I hear my name shouted and see my friend Becker’s vivid crimson eyes grow comically large as I fly past.
I’ve never been so relieved to smell stinky, mosquito-ridden Venice Beach as I am now. The hot, muggy night air plasters my hair to my sweaty forehead. I hear a commotion behind me and look over my shoulder to see Thing One and Thing Two in hot pursuit. I’m frightened out of my wits, but I still laugh for a second when I wonder what the Retrievers would think about the nicknames I’ve assigned them. The moment of mirth passes, and I remember why I’m running at break-neck speed in purple boots with stiletto heels.
You can read more here. This earned 4.9 stars on Amazon. This opening has plenty going for it, starting with good “voice.” It introduces us quickly to a character that we can like and is sympathetic—she is being chased and in apparent serious jeopardy. We open in media res with plenty happening. I’m not sure I’d have opened with sartorial thoughts while being chased, but apparently this character has an ironic sense of humor. Worked for me. It’s part of a series, and I’ll likely check the others out if available on Kindle Unlimited. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.