Flogging the Quill

Flog a BookBubber 412-PJ Skinner—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

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Here is the opening of the first novel in the Sam Harris Adventure Boxset (three novels). A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

Calderon, Sierramar 1996

The rain poured down on Calderon, obscuring the El Grande volcano which loomed over the capital of Sierramar, throwing a heavy shadow of doom over the city. Every time Sam Harris landed at Calderon airport, she wondered why people lived on the slopes of an active volcano. On each occasion, she dismissed her fears of an eruption, reasoning it would not happen while she lived there, an irrational belief at odds with her geological knowledge.

Outside the airport terminal, the usual gaggle of taxi drivers fought over the tourists, desperate for their gringo-based fares into Calderon. Sam held tight to her trolley and stood on tiptoe to avoid their pleas. A high-pitched shriek parted the taxi drivers like the Red Sea, and a brightly coloured tornado whisked her up in a tight, perfumed hug.

‘You’re here. I can’t believe it,’ said Gloria, fat tears of joy leaking down her cheeks, taking globs of mascara with them.

‘If you cry, I shall leave again,’ said Sam.

She squeezed her friend with real affection and then released her with fake efficiency. ‘Now, where’s David?’

‘He’s over there in the car.’

‘By himself?’ said Sam. Gloria shrugged. Sam headed for Gloria’s car, pushing her (snip)

You can read more here. This earned 4.6 stars on Amazon. I chose this set of three because it’s great to buy three novels for 99 cents—if, that is, it looks like good reading. While this opening page gives a good sense of setting, what else is there? The character arrives and meets a friend. That’s it. Nothing to make me wonder what happens next? We need for the protagonist to have to do something more strenuous and fraught than hugging. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.

Flog a BookBubber 411-Paul Levine—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

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Here is the opening of Bum Luck. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

Thirty seconds after the jury announced its verdict, I decided to kill my client.

Or maybe it was quicker than that. Maybe there was an instantaneous firing of neurons and synapses, or whatever ignites sparks in my bourbon-pickled brain.

Did I mention the pounding headache? The thud of a pile driver ramming caissons into my cranium? I could barely hear the judge over the echoes.

“Has the jury reached a verdict?”

“We have, Your Honor.”

The clerk will publish the verdict.”

We, the jury, find the defendant, Marcus Thurston, not guilty of murder in the second degree.”

Yeah, him. Marcus “Thunder” Thurston, All-Pro running back for the Miami Dolphins. Charged with pumping five bullets into his wife. Now free to carry a football . . . and a nine-millimeter Glock, if he so desired. Hearing the verdict, and perhaps a chorus of cheerleaders singing, Thurston clopped me on the shoulder. An affectionate but hearty clop you might use for chopping wood. If I didn’t tip the scales at 240 pounds, I might have toppled face-first onto the defense table.

“Way to go, bro!” Thunder smacked me again.

You can read more here. This earned 4.4 stars on Amazon. For me, this opening checks off a number of the items in my First Page Checklist. Start with a strong, engaging voice, and compound that with a killer (pun intended) opening line about killing his client. Story questions zoom up from that, and only a page-turn will tell us why? Will he do it? What are the consequences? What happens next? Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.

Flog a BookBubber 410-Jess Ryder—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

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Here is the opening of The Second Marriage. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

‘Lily, will you marry me?’

He was down on one knee, holding out a tiny black box, the lid hinged open. A beautiful diamond ring was wedged into a white satin cushion. I let out a gasp and put my hand to my chest. Edward looked up at me, smiling. The corners of his mouth and eyes were etched with fine laughter lines. His grey hair shone in the candlelight like polished steel.

‘Well?’

The other diners had put down their forks and were watching us openly, nodding and smiling like we were part of the evening’s entertainment.

I hadn’t seen the proposal coming, even though he’d told me to dress up for the evening and brought me to one of the most expensive restaurants in Soho. Not even the bottle of vintage champagne had given the game away. I wasn’t used to love moving so fast. My previous boyfriend had taken seven years to decide I wasn’t the one for him, but Edward had made up his mind after as many months.

‘Please say something,’ he said. ‘This is getting embarrassing.’

‘Yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you.’

His eyes lit up and his shoulders dropped. The whole restaurant burst into applause.

‘I didn’t realise we had an audience,’ he said, blushing.

You can read more here. This earned 4.2 stars on Amazon. I have a two-word reaction to this opening page: “ho” and “hum.” It’s a sweet scene, but there’s no tension. He proposes, she accepts. No worries shown. No problem or issue for her to deal with. No reason to turn the page.

Much later, though, after tons of setup stuff, came this from her new stepson:

’She’s not dead, Lily. Mummy’s still alive.’

Open with that and you’ve got me. All the setup can be folded in as the story takes off with that. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.

Flog a BookBubber 409-Christopher White & Monica La Porta—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Here is the opening of Domino Theory, dystopian science fiction. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

Bella Pink put it best: “The rising temperatures will be the death of fashion.”

The famous Icelandic designer might not have been thinking specifically about this unbearable Southern California heat, but her words come back to me now as I flee for my life, sweating all over my adorable, multi-layered top.

Bursting out through Special Rejects’ front doors, I come within inches of taking out the bouncer. Only a split-second instinct on my part avoids a collision that would have halted my escape before it began. As I tear down the wooden pier, my sprint draws gaping looks from the line of people waiting in line to enter the club.

“Iris!”

I hear my name shouted and see my friend Becker’s vivid crimson eyes grow comically large as I fly past.

I’ve never been so relieved to smell stinky, mosquito-ridden Venice Beach as I am now. The hot, muggy night air plasters my hair to my sweaty forehead. I hear a commotion behind me and look over my shoulder to see Thing One and Thing Two in hot pursuit. I’m frightened out of my wits, but I still laugh for a second when I wonder what the Retrievers would think about the nicknames I’ve assigned them. The moment of mirth passes, and I remember why I’m running at break-neck speed in purple boots with stiletto heels.

You can read more here. This earned 4.9 stars on Amazon. This opening has plenty going for it, starting with good “voice.” It introduces us quickly to a character that we can like and is sympathetic—she is being chased and in apparent serious jeopardy. We open in media res with plenty happening. I’m not sure I’d have opened with sartorial thoughts while being chased, but apparently this character has an ironic sense of humor. Worked for me. It’s part of a series, and I’ll likely check the others out if available on Kindle Unlimited. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.