In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the prologue opening of Never Run A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
"Wait up!" Breathlessly, Courtney Flax pulled back against her boyfriend's grasp. "Not so fast!"
The grass brushed her ankles, chilly and damp from evening dew. Ahead, Eagle Lake gleamed in the moonlight.
Courtney thought the expanse of water looked dark and somehow foreboding. In mid-May, she knew it would still be icy cold.
Gary, her boyfriend, had suggested the swim on the way back from their friend’s house. Now, she was thinking it was a bad idea.
"Come on, Court," Gary said, tugging her forward again. "It'll be fun. Trust me."
"But Gary, it's freezing."
"Court, don't be such a baby," he said. "Life’s an adventure!"
"Gary, seriously. I don't like swimming in the dark. Can't we do this some other time?"
"It's a full moon! You'll be able to see just fine."
"I don't think so," Courtney said, bracing herself with her feet glued to the silvery grass. "I'm cold."
"Oh, c’mon," he said, tugging her hand. "It's not that cold."
Courtney forced down a wave of fear. "Maybe not for you," she said.
You can read more here. This earned 4.3 stars on Amazon. There’s a sense of jeopardy here—a cold lake in the dark of the night—and the protagonist is fearful. Story questions are good—will she be forced into the water? What will happen to her?
But, for me, the writing didn’t make the cut. Examples: the second paragraph has her ankles being chilly and damp (it’s the grass that is). “expanse of water” is a stiff and unlikely description to be in her thoughts. Her feet were glued to silvery grass—really? The promise here is more of the same, and it’s not for me. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.