In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of the first chapter of Keep Her Quiet. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
I look down at my enormous belly and touch where the baby’s heel is pressing. It’s getting on for midnight and my contractions are five minutes apart. The rain is illuminated by streetlights, glistening on the eerily quiet road. Leo darts a glance at me and I smile back. His concern is gratifying.
Ahead of us the traffic lights switch to red and Leo brakes too hard, startling a woman about to cross the road. She sends him a look of indignation and strides forward. Her short, belted coat looks inadequate. She’s wearing extremely high heels. On her way home from a first date, I decide, as a gust of wind turns her umbrella inside out.
Has she been good? Or has she done something she might regret, like I have? I stifle the thought. Nothing is going to spoil this.
‘Sorry about that,’ Leo says. ‘All right?’
This time my smile is through gritted teeth. ‘I’m fine. Just don’t kill anyone.’
Leo grunts in annoyance.
‘C’mon, for Pete’s sake.’
I laugh at him, then groan as a contraction rolls through me.
‘Breathe,’ Leo encourages.
You can read more here. This earned 4.4 stars on Amazon. As someone who has driven his wife who was in labor to the hospital, I had immediate sympathy for these characters. But the only questions are how’s the birthing going to turn out? Boy or girl? Who cares?
The business with the woman and her umbrella in the crosswalk prevents a bit of narrative reaching the first page that does raise story questions sufficient to provoke reading more, IMO. The missing stuff:
I’ll forget what I did. It’s in the past, it’s gone. Constantly beating myself up over it will achieve nothing. Leo and I love each other, so why rock the boat? The truth can be so destructive.
I think the author missed an opportunity that a sharp editor could have helped her avoid. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.