In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the prologue of Little Rumours. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
The ghost was chasing Scooby down the hall when the screen flickered and went dark.
Joe sat for a moment staring into the black, then leaped to his feet.
‘Daddy!’ There was no answer. He fidgeted, first on one foot, then the other. ‘Mummy?’ He knew she wouldn’t answer him though – she was at her Saturday morning running club.
He glanced at the window. Daddy was in the garden somewhere. But he, Joe, wasn’t allowed to move from his spot in front of the TV. This was what Daddy always said on a Saturday – ‘Sit down, Sport, right here, and watch your cartoons until Mummy gets back. Don’t move from this spot … or there’ll be trouble!’
He didn’t want there to be trouble. Being in trouble was bad. But if he could no longer watch cartoons, then he couldn’t watch cartoons ‘from this spot’. That meant he could move, didn’t it? He practically had to. With one eye on the window, to make sure he wasn’t seen, he took a careful step forward. There was no-one watching. He took another step, grabbed the remote and jumped back.
He pressed the power button, but nothing happened. Surely Daddy wouldn’t mind if Joe went to find him? He’d come in, fix the TV, and then Joe could find out who the ghost of Rufus Raucous was.
You can read more here. This earned 4.3 stars on Amazon. For me, this is an interesting prologue. While there is no expressed jeopardy for the character and his only problem is that the TV stopped working, anyone who has read a few novels will sense an underlying tension. You just know that there’s trouble ahead for this child. The question is, is what might be coming enough to earn a page turn? I’d give it one more page to see if there’s something of interest going on, but not much more. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.