In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening of When She Disappeared. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.
~Fledgling hawks soar to peaking crests
Behind the canopy you’ll find your quest
Jump the path at Lightning Tree
Journey west to rocks stacked three
Travel along the whispering creek
Pass the falls for what you seek.
Hawks fly high for the final test
We’ll pass the torch at Senior Nest~
‘You don’t have to do this, Lenny. No one will give you a hard time if you jump from the lower rock. You’re one of our best football players; the team is screwed if you get hurt! They’ll understand.’
Lenny stood next to Farrah on the rocky ledge some thirty feet above the pool of water, its dark blue surface rippling tauntingly as the late-day sunlight bounced off it. His classmates were all in their underwear, but he couldn’t bring himself to remove his oversized t-shirt. He’d hit six foot seven that year and topped the scales at over three hundred pounds. Surrounded by his much shorter and smaller friends, his confidence waned, even with his popularity as the best defensive end in the state. But he refused to be left behind during this crucial moment. His class (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.2 stars on Amazon. This opening illustrates an issue I have with most prologues: they aren’t a story. What do I, and most readers, I believe, open the pages of a novel to fine? A story.
Here, they are greeted with a poem. Not story. True, the narrative quickly goes to a scene, and a character is worried . . . but it’s not much of a hook for me. If you must have a prologue, then make sure it raises strong story questions. If at all possible, have the character or characters in it relate to the first chapter (that doesn’t happen here, at least not at the beginning of the chapter). If you’re using a prologue in your WIP and it is not a strong scene with story questions, then I think you should be asking yourself why you’re using it. If it’s to set something up, maybe the time to do that is just before the event happens. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.