In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here is the opening page of the prologue for Silent Sands, a mystery. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
“She’s coming around.”
Words dimly penetrating. Searing pain wells up from her abdomen—obliterates time—fading away into damp darkness…
Time expands and contracts—separates like plasma. Heat scorches inside and out.
Drops pass lips cracked like dry mud. Dribble down her chin—slowly break a path down her throat, puddling in the hollow of her collarbones. Evaporates on sticky, sweltering skin. Not enough to still the craving for cooling relief.
Half-open eyes meet deep blue concern that melts into a smile.
“Took your sweet time,” greets her efforts to hone in to the now.
Calm features superimpose and exude serenity and kindness.
Nothingness settles in…
Mellow early morning light.
“You’ve made it, kid,” another smiling face intrudes, casts her into shadow.
“Don’t try to talk,” meets her move to part lips sticking fast, parched, and disused.
“She needs fluids. We need to get her to a hospital.”
“How the heck—”
The effort to shake her head makes it spin.
You can read more here. This earned 3.6 stars on Amazon. The writing is sound—I like spare narratives like this, short sentences to make it easy to get involved. I think the lack of a name here limits the degree of attachment a reader might feel, but there’s clearly a woman who is badly injured. What caused the injuries? Will she survive? Will who did this be caught? And on. Seemed like this warranted a further look. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.