Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist (PDF here)
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Ken sends the first chapter of Blindsided, a crime novel. The rest of the chapter is after the break.
New York City, February 1968
Nick Doyle couldn’t stop the burst of freeze-frame images of death each time he cast his eyes into the dark featureless shadows. Not the actual death but the moment—that split second that foreshadowed the end. Often it was the faint metallic click of the safety on a sniper’s rifle, the vision of his face bracketed between the marks in an unseen telescope. The distant crack of gunpowder exploding, a .50 caliber bullet screaming towards him at 940 feet per second.
As he walked down Third Street in the Lower East Village with Yasmin Abramov, officially his fiancée as of an hour ago, their footsteps echoed off the deserted brownstones. Otherwise, it was quiet, just the murmur of background noise that radiated through this part of the city at night.
This cold and desolate street was different from his memory of the Mekong Delta’s steamy air and musty vegetation. But the fear was the same. In the jungle he listened to the cacophony of birds and insects while he waited for death, wondering where the bullet would come from.
Now, as a cop, walking these dangerous streets, he was always vigilant. Even off duty, even after a romantic dinner with Yasmin, he listened for something other than the monotonous din of the city as he waited for the hushed neighborhood to turn into a shit storm.
There’s a lot to be said for this opening. Good voice and good writing—except for casting his eyes into the dark. The misuse of eyes being thrown here and there is a pet peeve of mine. Use gaze, or stare, or anything that doesn’t require the removal of eyeballs from eye sockets.
The opening does a good job of foreshadowing trouble to come . . . but, when you get to it, this is primarily backstory and setup—sometimes called throat-clearing. Get to something happening in the first page rather than an elaborate tease to snare a reader’s interest. The whole chapter is basically setup, and nothing but hand-holding, a kiss, and trepidation happen. Set the scene as you have, cold and dangerous, no cabbies, etc., bring us in with the woman’s happiness, and then get to something happening to her or him or them. The first page is your best, and often only, opportunity to hook a reader. Don’t spend it all on a non-event. That’s my view. What is yours?
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2021 by Ken.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.