In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the opening page for Damaging Evidence. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
If I failed to deliver a convincing closing argument, my client would get twenty-five to life.
“Everyone is waiting, Mr. Goodlove.” Judge Ulrich seemed surprised that I hadn’t stood up, but he always looked surprised, with a mouth that hung open and eyes that bugged out of his head. He had some kind of thyroid condition that gave him his perpetual look of astonishment.
“I’m sorry, Your Honor, may I have another minute to confer with my partner?”
“Please make it brief.”
“Confer” wasn’t the right word. Quarrel, squabble, or bicker is more like it. Jen Shek and I had worked closely for seven years, ever since I stole her from the public defender’s office in 2013. Lately we’d been disagreeing more and enjoying it less.
“Garrett, you can’t simply ignore Slater’s points,” she whispered. “The jury isn’t stupid. They’ll notice.”
Derek Slater, my frenemy, was the prosecutor. He was the DA’s best, a fifty year old whose rugged good looks took a hit from his bulbous nose and slight weight problem. Jurors liked him, which was unfortunate for our side.
I’d never say it out loud, but Jen was cutest when angry. Is that sexist? Born of a Japanese mother and a Chinese father, her delicate features and penetrating brown eyes turned (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.5 stars on Amazon. The opening line was a good hook, but things petered out after that. The author spent valuable narrative on descriptions of bulbous noses and a cute woman instead of creating story questions. A fail for me. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.