In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the opening page for Cottonmouth, a thriller. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
Ellie opened her eyes. Tried to move but couldn’t. It was dark, and her vision was cloudy. She was able to make out the square case of a window. Curtains drawn, flaccid. A single wooden chair. She was lying on a wrought-iron bed.
She lifted her head, felt a wave of nausea roll through her. Remembered the noxious cloth. She wiggled her wrists and ankles. Something was binding them — something sharp and unyielding. Plastic cable ties.
She tried to scream, but the sound came out as a muffled moan.
Where am I? Who did this?
Light splashed the wall as someone entered an unseen door.
“Hello, Ellie,” a deep voice said. “Do you know how long I’ve been dreaming about this moment?”
She knew she couldn’t respond, not with the gag filling her mouth. But she tried anyway, releasing a series of stifled sobs.
“There, there,” the man said, stepping into view. The bed frame shifted as he eased himself next to her. “You’ll have your chance to speak soon enough. But first I’d like to get properly reacquainted. It’s been so long.” He paused, gazing into her eyes. “Man, what a surprise it was to see you driving by after all these years … you, of all people. I recognized you instantly. (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4 stars on Amazon. Other than the creep factor of yet another woman being the object of a sick man, this opening does raise good story questions as it introduces a sympathetic character. It hits the checkmarks, now it’s up to the appeal of the story to determine whether to spend 99 cents or not. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.