In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the opening page for Cottonmouth, a Western. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
Sarpy County, Nebraska, five miles east of Papillion
March 1874
The reverend reined his wagon to a halt. Four men on horseback were blocking the road ahead. All were wearing town suits and bowlers, and he’d never seen any of them before. They were also wearing revolvers in shoulder holsters, which were plainly visible under their open riding jackets.
“Top of the mornin’ to you, Reverend Hoskins,” the oldest of the riders said. He tipped his hat.
“Do I know you gentlemen?” Reverend Hoskins said.
“No,” the man said. “But we know you. You’re Charles Hoskins, the pastor of the Baptist church in town. We know your family, too. Sitting next to you is your wife, Mary, your daughter, Maura, and your wee little son, Charles junior.”
“How, exactly, do you know all this?” Hoskins asked.
“Why,” the man said, “you’re famous, Reverend. Your sermons are all the rage. They’re right popular with the railroad laborers in these parts. Especially the ones where you call for all the workers to band together, hold out for more money, and strike iffen they don’t get what they want from Brody’s railroad company. Those sermons are real barn burners, so I’m told.”
“Now I know who you are,” Hoskins said, making no effort to hide his contempt. “You’re Quincy Agency men, aren’t you? Cottonmouth Quincy sent you to intimidate me into (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.5 stars on Amazon. Westerns were a huge part of my reading diet when I was a boy, so I’m always interested in what’s being done in the genre these days. In case the cover wasn’t clear on the point, a cottonmouth is a poisonous snake well known in Texas and most of the South.
I like the way the author uses what appears to be a simple listing of the family members to create a sense of menace, for there could not be a good reason for the way this gunman identifies them. The sarcastic description by the antagonist of the reverend’s sermons adds to the sense of jeopardy, and the last line makes it clear. Seemed worth reading more to me. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.