In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the opening page for Shadow Falls, a thriller. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
Prologue
January 2000—Austin, Texas
“Nathaniel Monroe, I’m arresting you on suspicion of murder. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions…”
Nate zones out. He can’t listen to this cop arresting him when the woman he loves is dead on the ground at their feet. He forces himself to look down at Stacey. Her eyes are staring but unseeing. Her long hair is matted in a red puddle, and under the harsh fluorescent light, he can make out blood spatter on the garage wall, clinging on amongst the DIY tools. Her body is still here, but everything that makes her Stacey is long gone.
His head swims; she’ll never say his name again, she’ll never kiss him and tell him she can’t wait to get married. She’ll never infuriate him again.
“… If you decide to answer questions now, without a lawyer present, you have the right to stop answering at any time. You understand?”
Nate slowly turns to look at the black, uniformed officer who has cuffed his bloodstained hands together. They’re probably the same age, around twenty-one, but because of the body on the floor, their lives will play out completely differently. “This isn’t happening.”
The cop raises his eyebrows and nods to Stacey’s lifeless body. “Actually, it already happened.”
You can read more here. This earned 4.4 stars on Amazon. From a story question point of view, I think this works pretty well. And the writing, though it could use a little editing, works as well. This is a prologue, but it is a scene with some tension in it. And, if you read just a little further, the handcuffed man sees the parish priest with an expression on his face that causes this last paragraph:
What’s left of Nate’s faith dissolves as he realizes what Father Connor has done.
Now there’s a story question raiser. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.