In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the first chapter of Working Stiffs. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
The three dead guys on the freight elevator had a personal odor reminiscent of vomit with an undertone of road kill.
“You freaks need to stand in the rain, you know that? Take a shower.” My formerly living companions swayed with the motion of the elevator but kept their thoughts on hygiene to themselves. One of the three, whose name tag read “Larry,” belched—an editorial comment or random gas bubble? Hard to say.
Sixty-seven more floors of asphyxiation. Why their owner didn’t wash down his Revivants was a mystery. They didn’t decay like regular dead people; if they did, body parts would be strewn around the city like the remnants of a jihadi bomb factory.
Take shallow breaths.
I adjusted my stolen waiter’s jacket to hide Grandpa’s old bullet-firing pistol. The weapon made my pants sag. Since I quit eating anything more solid than tomato soup prepared from ketchup packets, everything—including a sudden change in barometric pressure—made my pants slide down.
Dampness blotched the jacket’s red sleeve from the cold sweat off my forehead. C’mon, Joe, pull it together.
Two of the Revvies rode in silence. Larry, the talker, vaguely resembled a classic (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.6 stars on Amazon. I liked the way the narrative immediately immersed us in the story world with something happening. Yeah, I know it’s just a guy riding an elevator, but it’s with three dead guys, and he’s carrying a pistol. Definite promise of action and story questions are up ans running. I liked the voice, too, which promises more fun. Worked for me. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
The cover didn’t do a lot for me. The visual, other than the silhouette of a man, is difficult to figure out. The title and author name are fine, but the design didn’t add to my interestd. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.