In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A set of three cozy mystery novels for 99 cents could be a terrific bargain. Here are the first 17 lines of the first chapter of the first book, All the Old Lions. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
I felt duty-bound to rebel.
Being a born and bred city person, Chicago was my security blanket and I resented being sent out to the western wilderness on a fool’s errand—Roger should have gone himself.
Of course, my rebellion meant nothing to Roger Sweeney, President, self-serving head honcho, overweening Grand Muckity-Muck of the Sweeney Publishing Group. As the tides of fortune would have it, Roger was also my boss and a distant, but reluctantly claimed, cousin.
I’d barely had a chance to say a word before he started bellowing.
“Look here, Thea Barlow, I didn’t give you a job so you could sit around on your butt deciding what you will and won’t do. You work for me, remember?”
Nepotism is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Roger had been obnoxious as a child and hadn’t improved much with age. Taller, of course, and the baby fat had solidified decently enough, though he was still soft around the middle—something I liked to remind him of, now and then. Whatever had made me think we could work together?
I like to believe my opinion of Roger has nothing to do with his being three years younger than my twenty-eight, and a hot-shot MBA in complete control of his own little world. A year ago I could have honestly said there wasn’t a jealous bone in my body. Now, I’m as (snip)
You can read more here. This earned 4.5 stars on Amazon. It shows its coziness right off with a leisurely approach to the narrative, easing us into the world of Thea. There’s a little tension between her and Roger. But not much in the way of story questions. The voice is attractive, though—I enjoyed the notion of nepotism not being all it’s cracked up to be. On the strength of voice, I looked further. The voice continues to be nice, but there’s a lot of setup. I’m not sure the voice alone is enough to make me spend even so tiny a sum as 99 cents. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.