Flogging the Quill

Flogometer 1146 for Kevin — would you turn this page?

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist (PDF here)

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Kevin sends the first chapter of The Dream. The rest of the chapter follows the break.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold my breath. My eyes blinked open to an endless sea of black water. I could taste the ocean salt in my mouth, feel it burning my nose. I kicked upwards, reaching towards the light. Breaking the surface, I gasped for air. I wasn't alone. Other people were bobbing to the surface, sucking in the warm sea breeze on what would ordinarily have been a lovely day for a swim. I spun around. There were people all around me, as far as the eye could see in every direction. Elderly folk, children; people of every shape and size, but nobody I recognized. Everyone looked confused and bewildered.

“I must be dreaming,” an old man's voice could be heard behind me. All around, similar murmurs could be heard.

I was pretty sure I must be, too. The last thing I remembered was putting my head on my pillow. This didn't feel like a dream, but, spoiler alert, it was. Roughly three billion of us, all bobbing in the ocean, all fast asleep, and all sharing the same dream.

A voice boomed across the water, echoing all around us.

“The search for a new Basileus has begun. One of you will be given power. Unbelievable power, beyond that of any other human. If you wish to enter the search, write your name on a piece of paper and place it under your pillow before midnight tomorrow. Then the games shall begin.”

With that, the water disappeared beneath me and I was falling. Falling. I could feel my stomach (snip)

Opening with a dream, as you may have read before, is generally considered not a good thing, even if the narrative says it’s a dream. This one is important in that, as we learn later, the whole world also had it.

But later might be too late. I suggest that you get to that as soon as possible, on the first page. For example, a very quick edit:

I tasted ocean salt in my mouth. Other people were bobbing all around me, as far as the eye could see in every direction. Elderly folk, children; people of every shape and size, but nobody I recognized. Everyone looked confused and bewildered.

A voice boomed across the water, echoing all around us.

“The search for a new Basileus has begun. One of you will be given power. Unbelievable power, beyond that of any other human. If you wish to enter the search, write your name on a piece of paper and place it under your pillow before midnight tomorrow. Then the games shall begin.”

With that, I sat up in bed, panting. Trying to shake off the dream, I went about my morning routine and was soon walking to school with Clay.

“Hey, happy belated birthday,” he said as I fell into step beside him.

“Thanks, dude.” And then, after a long pause, I said, “I had a crazy dream last night.”

“Me too!” His eyes got wide and he stopped. “I was surrounded by all of these people, floating around me, and then there was this voice, and it said-”

“The search for a new Basileus has begun.”

He rounded on me. “That's exactly what it said. How did you-”

“Me too,” I explained. “I had exactly the same dream.”

This opening, at least, presents the mystery of what the dream means and that more than he had it. While there is no conflict yet, there is at least a story question raised and important setup has been accomplished.

However, I would also try to see if I could find a way to open with a hint of some kind of jeopardy to come for the protagonist and add in the exposition about the universal dream as that happens. I have a feeling that the true opening is in the next chapter. For what it’s worth.

Your thoughts?

Ray

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Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2021 by Kevin.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1145 for Scott — would you turn this page?

Hey, today’s my birthday. I’m now officially older than dirt.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist (PDF here)

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Scott sends the first chapter of Infinon.

When Susan's AR glasses disconnected from the computer, she frowned and tapped them to restore the connection. The red icon in the corner still flashed. She checked her computer. It too had lost connection. No one could hack her, so what could be the problem?

Her office door burst open, and two men strode towards her. A third stood in the doorway with his back to her, watching the hallway. Their camouflage uniforms gave the appearance of someone walking in front of a movie projector - they weren't invisible but seemed to flow beneath the background.

The closest pointed a tablet at her. "That's her," he motioned the other man forward.

"Get out!" She stood and tried to back away, but her space was cramped. Her stomach churned. How had they found her?

"You're coming with us," the closest man said. "Do not resist. We have no time for it."

When they reached for her, she backed away and tripped over the wastebasket between the wall and her desk.

"There's a mistake," She held up her hands, though she knew she was caught. There was nowhere to go.

She feigned a punch to the first man before launching a kick between his camouflaged legs, but he batted her foot away. Seconds later, they had both her hands pinned behind her.

For me, there was a hitch in this narrative right at the start despite the writing being sound. The author should not assume that everyone will know what “AR glasses” means. I had to look it up, which definitely took me out of the story (it’s augmented reality).

Other than that, though, this is a solid opening page. It creates mystery (what’s happening here?), jeopardy for the character, conflict, and raises the what happens next? story question. I’d read on. Your thoughts?

For what it’s worth.

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2021 by Scott.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

 

Continued:

Rubbery restraining bands slipped around her wrists. She fought, but they cinched tight, like a python around a rat, until she couldn't move her arms. She managed a couple more kicks before they captured her feet, and another set of restraints snaked around her legs. They grabbed her under her arms, lifted her like a Styrofoam replica and strode for the door. She caught a glimpse of her brother's picture laying on the floor, the glass smashed, and her computer mouse spinning on the desk like a turtle on its back before the door slammed shut.

"Help!" Her voice echoed down the empty hall. A door opened, and a face popped out, only to retreat when the men levelled guns at him. Boot falls echoing. They sprinted past the elevators to the stairwell. She struggled, tears streaming, but it was no use. The man in the lead threw open the door, and they lifted her and ran down the stairs two at a time. Her throat ached from yelling, and her heart raced so fast the beats throbbed in her teeth.

"Stop screaming, or I'll gag you," said the man on her right. "It's hard to breathe with one on, so I suggest you zip it."

"What's going on? Where are you taking me?"

His grip was a vice on her upper arm. "Answers later. For now, your life depends on us getting you out of here."

The lead soldier hesitated at the outside door and raised his left hand to his ear.

"What do they want?" asked the one holding her wrists.

"A scan for tiks. My pack has a scanner."

The soldier on her right rummaged in the small rucksack on the leader's back.

"Screw that. We don't have time. Go!" said the third.

They burst into the courtyard. Heat dropped on her like a hot wet blanket, and she gasped. They sprinted for the center of the square. The campus security guard lay hog-tied beside the pathway, his face glowing scarlet as he struggled to free himself, the holstered gun hanging uselessly at his side.

"You've got the wrong person. I've done nothing illegal."

In the grassy center of the courtyard rested a vehicle. The camouflage made the shape hard to discern, but the wash from four spinning rotors told her it was a quadcopter, very expensive. For her? She shook her head. It made no sense.

Two shimmering shapes approached. They had the hoods off, but the camouflage on their bodies was active, giving the impression of floating heads. She would have laughed under different circumstances.

"I don't know who you're after," she rasped, "but you've made an error."

"Dr. Susan Dawson," said the man on her left.

"Yes, but--"

"No mistake," he said. "Stop talking."

Despite the heat, chills swept over her, and her body trembled. Her heart sank as they ferried her to the quadcopter.

Someone knew her secret, and she had been so careful. But wait. They wouldn't send the military for her crimes--it would be like using a shotgun to kill a fly. She fretted about the FBI or even immigration knocking on her door one day but not soldiers. It had to be something else. Her head reeled as nausea overwhelmed her, and she feared she would throw up. Why was her life in danger?

The two men at the quadcopter sprinted forward. They pointed strange weapons to the sky like they expected an attack from above. She'd seen guns like that on the feeds--electromagnetic pulse rifles designed to bring down drones. They conversed rapidly, but she couldn't hear them. At first, she thought the rotor noise drowned them out and realized they must be subvocalizing via nanonytes embedded in their vocal cords. Special ops communications.

"What's going on?" she yelled at them. "Where are you taking me?"

"You'll find out soon. We gotta get outta here, or we're all dead."

She tried to control her panicked breathing, but it was like a restraining band circling her chest, cinching tighter with every breath.

One of the floating heads opened an almost invisible door on the copter. The interior looked like a portal to another dimension. They climbed in and placed her in a seat. The bands released, but a soldier snapped seatbelts in place between her legs and across her shoulders, securing her as if the kidnapping was routine. Then they sat on either side of her. It was the first chance she'd had to look at them. The man on her right had a crooked nose like it had been broken and hadn't healed properly. The one on her left was heavier and probably three inches taller. The right side of his face had a melted appearance from a nasty burn. They both snapped into their restraints and watched out the open door at their compatriots in the courtyard. Susan stopped struggling and peered out the doorway.

The three stood with rifles raised to the sky, waiting and watching for something. Then in unison, they swung their weapons towards the far end of the courtyard. She leaned over the soldier with the broken nose to get a better look out the door. At the distant end of the square, a small object detached from the building's soffit and hurtled towards them. It didn't get far before it exploded in a blaze of light and smoke. A moment later, a shock wave hit her chest like a fist and hammered her eardrums. She jerked in her seat despite the restraints. Her ears rang, and the quadcopter rocked from side to side. She cupped her hands over her ears.

She tried to undo her harness, but the buckles throbbed red when she pushed the buttons and refused to release.

The soldier beside her grabbed her hand and shook his head. The men outside had turned and were running for the copter. The whine of the rotors increased, and a set of thick headphones were handed to her.

"Put 'em on. They'll protect your ears from the explosions,"

A flash in the periphery of her vision forewarned another shock wave, and a split second later, her body recoiled from the impact. She took the headphones, but her hands shook so badly she dropped them. The man on her right grabbed them and placed them on her head.

"There's more incoming," he said. He pointed above the building toward the direction of the first drone. "Time to go."

The men outside dove into the cabin and grabbed for handholds. The door slammed shut, and the copter leapt into the sky, pitching violently. The man next to her pulled down padded arms to steady her head. The soldiers across from her struggled to belt in but gave up and clung to straps. They'd dropped their guns in their rush, and they scraped back and forth along the floor. Susan's stomach reeled from the violent motion. Tears zigzagged down her face, changing direction every time the machine lurched. The three across from her slid back and forth, crashing into each other and laughing like this was an amusement park ride.

The violent jerking continued as they rose. One moment Susan's head flung back into the cushion and, the next, snapped painfully forward. The rotors abruptly slowed, and the craft dropped. She became weightless, and she opened her mouth to scream, but nothing escaped her lungs.

"This is nothing. Relax." Said the man with the burn.

Relax? Not likely now that someone was trying to kill her. Rage percolated to the surface, and she directed it at the men who had abducted her.

"Where are you taking me?" she screamed, but the whine of the quadcopter rotors roared louder, and an invisible hand pushed her into the seat. They either couldn't hear or, more likely, couldn't bother to answer.

After what seemed an eternity, the upward push of the chair dissipated, and the harness pulled down as she became weightless again. The men across from her floated toward the ceiling. They took advantage of the relative calm and pulled themselves down, and belted in.

Gravity returned when the machine accelerated upward again. The pitching ended, and her muscles relaxed.

Just fifteen minutes ago, she'd been busy working on her computer, in her nondescript little office in a boring section of the research campus. She somehow doubted she would never see her office again.

The man beside her put his arm on her leg. She glared at him. Kidnap me and then console me?

What lay behind those glasses--a soldier, a machine, what? But all she saw was her reflection in the mirror finish of his AR glasses. A frightened animal caught in the light of a car's headlights, with nowhere to go.

When she was a child, and her brother had made her angry, she'd sneak up on him and pinch the soft flesh of his tricep. She smiled sweetly at the soldier with the broken nose and reached for his arm.

The camo seemed to cover granite. Finally, her fingers found a fold of skin, and she pinched almost hard enough to shatter the bones in her fingers. He twitched but didn't try to stop her. The mirror finish on his glasses faded, and unnaturally cobalt blue eyes appeared. Communication contacts that no doubt interfaced with his AR glasses. The contacts glowed at her, but not with warmth. These were not forgiving eyes; they were eyes used to pain, inflicting it and enduring it.

His lips moved, and despite the roar of the motors and her earphones, she got the message. Her fingers snapped open, and like an incoming fog, his glasses returned to silver, and those cobalt eyes disappeared, replaced by her scared animal reflection.

She tapped at her glasses, but they still wouldn't connect. A few miles from the university, she should be able to connect to a different node. Somehow they blocked her access--helluva party trick.

The steady drone of the engines lulled her, and she checked out her surroundings. The quadcopter was dirty, dust devils swirling around air leaks in the doors, the seats utilitarian. The inside was metal, and deep scratches were the decor.

She leaned to look out the window. The glass curvature gave a fishbowl effect but foggy as if it had been sandblasted. They were headed toward the mountains. A massive brush fire had been burning out of control for days, and she could see the raging line of fire at the base of a curtain of smoke. California burned like this every year now.

Suspended under the rotor arm of the copter hung two missiles with' BattleCom' painted on their sides. The government's private army. Her secrets must be safe. But then, what did they want?

Crooked nose soldier lifted her headphones and yelled in her ear, "Put on this oxygen mask. We're going through the fire. The pursuing drones can't navigate there."

He handed her a mask that covered her mouth and eyes. She hesitated until she saw the others put theirs on. Then she placed it on her face and slid the strap over her head.

Summer's coming, and here's a fun summer read

Appropriately, the title of my novel is The Summer Boy. Here are excerpts from reader reviews on Amazon--NOTE: Amazon has, for some reason, discounted the paperbook price to $3.33, a real bargain. The ebook price there and elsewhere is 99 cents.

• The tension begin on page one and escalates, breathlessly, until the final, deadly confrontation. There are no slow parts, no boring middle, just a steady ratcheting of the stakes for these believable, likeable characters.
• Pacing was good, story questions abounded, tension was always present, ebbing and flowing and keeping the reader off guard.
• His story of a young man and woman discovering who they are and what they're capable of is consistently full of heart and humor. The journey he takes his readers on is thrilling and an absolute joy to read.
• A warm and engrossing tale of growing up--Texas style. You'll find yourself rifling through the pages as you sweat through the oppressive Texas heat along with Jesse, a young man struggling to survive his summer job as a ranch hand in 1950s Texas.
• Ray Rhamey's characters come alive on the page and the story draws you in with its many facets - romance, murder, philosophy. A nice way to spend an afternoon.

There are more reviews at Amazon. At 99 cents, the Kindle is as near to free as I can get it. And the paperback is $3.33. You can purchase the paperback here and the Kindle version here. An epub/Nook version for 99 cents is here.

And, please, give it a review if you read it.

Many thanks,

Ray

Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 356 B P Walter—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Here are the first 17 lines of the prologue of Hold Your Breath, a thriller. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.

London passes me in a grey blur. I keep thinking it’s going to snow. Part of me would like that – to be stranded here on a train in a snow drift, unable to move forward or backward. Trapped in a vague sort of limbo; a physical manifestation of the state I’ve been in for most of my adult life. But I’ve shifted into an unsettling, uncharted realm since I got the phone call yesterday morning.

The voice of the woman at the other end of the line had cut through the dullness of my sleep-muffled brain. Part of me had been waiting for her call, and another part was sure that it would never come; that this sort of thing happened to other people, not me. How stupid that sounds, thinking about it now.

‘Am I speaking to Katherine Marchland?’ she’d asked in her businesslike tone. ‘Formerly known as Katherine Carlson?’ I’d told her she was, and she had continued as I’d sunk down onto my bed, clutching at the duvet, hoping it would protect me. ‘Ms Marchland, my name is Detective Inspector Cousins of Northumbria Police. I need to ask you to present yourself at Wickton Close Police Station, Newcastle tomorrow afternoon at 3 p.m. to be interviewed under police caution. You are not under arrest at this time, but I have to inform you that you may be liable to arrest if you fail to turn up at the appointed time. You are of course free to bring legal representation with you, or you can access free legal advice through a duty solicitor if you (snip)

You can read more here. This earned 4.1 stars on Amazon. Good, clear writing and voice are good signs here. The scene is quickly set and woven into the story. And then the third paragraph delivers strong, clear story questions: why are the police after her? Did she commit a crime? Is she guilty of something? What will happen next? Worked for me. Your thoughts?

Cover critique

The bloody, sharp-pointed leaf fits right in with a thriller story. The use of just red for the blood and title in a black-and-white cover is also quite effective. It starts to raise story questions right away. However, I have to wonder why the author is hiding his light with such a tiny treatment of his/her name. So, for interest, this works. For the author’s branding, not so much. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

5 Tips for Crafting an Irresistible First Line

Desiree Villena, a writer with Reedsy, has given us an insightful post on how to craft arresting first lines for your first page. Enjoy.

We’ve all been warned not to make judgments based on book covers, but what about first lines? The opening line of a novel bears a lot of responsibility. When someone picks up your book, those first words extend an invitation: “Come in. Keep reading. Listen to my story.” The reader will then decide whether to put the book down or let themselves be swept along.

Writing something that’s going to hook readers in such a short window is a daunting task. But if you want to know how to craft an irresistible first line, look no further! These five tips should help you pull off an invitation that nobody can turn down.

1. Set the right mood

The first line of your novel should orient your readers in your world as quickly as possible. This doesn’t mean detailing exactly where and when the story is set, nor does it mean rattling off a history of events prior to the opening scene. Instead, it’s about opening with something pithy that sets the mood for the rest of your novel.

The key thing is to set readers’ expectations properly. Your fast-paced, action-packed thriller probably shouldn’t open with a quiet scene in a coffee shop where your brawny hero sits down to write in his journal and watch the world go by while sipping a matcha latte. Likewise, if you’re writing a memoir about a year spent overcoming terrible grief, starting your novel with a thrilling shoot-out might not be the best idea.

Some of my favorite tone-setting first lines come from bestselling author Leigh Bardugo. She’s best-known for her Grishaverse series (currently being adapted on Netflix as Shadow and Bone), but in my opinion, the best first line she’s written appears in her low fantasy novel Ninth House: “By the time Alex managed to get the blood out of her good wool coat, it was too warm to wear it.” This elegant line, brimming sinister implications, immediately sets the reader on edge, letting them know this is going to be a dark, twisty story with no small amount of violence.

Of course, you probably don’t know exactly where your story will go when you first start writing — which is why lots of authors revisit Page One later, during the self-editing process — but like a painter reaching for their first color, you should know what mood to brush that first page with. This is something to keep in mind as we look at a few different ways to start a novel.

2. Pique the reader’s interest

Let’s take a look at another one of the most salient rules for opening lines: appeal to the reader’s curiosity. Wanting, or better yet, needing an answer has an almost magnetic effect on readers — it keeps them turning the pages, because that’s the only way they’ll find what they’re looking for.

Obviously, to create this effect, you’ll need to pose a question. It doesn’t have to be a literal question (though it can be!), just something that switches on the reader’s curiosity by making them puzzle about something: Who is this person? What are they doing? Where is this going? Who else is involved? (Around FtQ we call these story questions. R)

This is actually easier than it sounds. Take the first line of The Hobbit. “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit,” is how Tolkien starts his story. It’s incredibly simple, but intriguing — especially when you picture Elijah Wood in that hole with his pointy ears and huge hairy feet.

You can always be more dramatic as well. In The Secret History (a book that I think should be included on many more lists of best books of all time), Donna Tartt begins: “The snow in the mountains was melting and Bunny had been dead for several weeks before we came to understand the gravity of our situation.” Not only does she immediately establish the blackly comic tone of her “whydunnit” murder mystery, but she also makes the reader ask questions about setting, character, and plot. Genius.

3. Start with the unexpected

A surefire way to ignite your reader’s curiosity — as we saw with The Hobbit example — is to say something in your first line that’s never been said before. A brief line with a bit of shock factor makes for a book that’s hard to put down.

One extremely famous example of this can be found in George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four: “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” Now, I know that introducing a slightly off-the-wall concept may seem best suited to the realm of science fiction, but you can still aim to include something unusual in your first line, whatever genre you’re writing — so long as it’s consistent with your general theme and mood.

Another iconic first line is the opening of I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith: “I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.” There’s nothing inherently outrageous or otherworldly about that, but the reader instantly knows there’s something going on with the heroine of this book — and they definitely want to know more.

4. Launch into action

Stories that open in media res (in the middle of the action) are particularly effective at grabbing readers’ attention because they immediately establish stakes and tension. This is a great way to start a novel, but this tip is perhaps even more helpful when writing a short story, where you don’t have much space for setup.

Let’s look at the first line of Franz Kafka’s most famous short story, The Metamorphosis: “As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.” If you didn’t know the synopsis, you do now, because it’s right there in the opening line. And like any good synopsis, this first line skips all the setup and tells you what you want to know: the situation and the stakes.

That said, starting with a bang doesn’t mean your opening line itself needs to be quite so explosive. Your grabby first page doesn’t have to describe the plane crashing on the island; it could be a character picking through the rubble. It doesn’t have to be a burning building; it could be smoldering ashes floating in the breeze.

It could even be dialogue. Alice Walker starts The Color Purple with words spoken by an abusive father to his daughter, creating some of the most sinister and haunting first lines in fiction: “You better not never tell nobody but God. It’d kill your mammy.”

5. Draw readers into your world

Fireworks and incendiary statements aren’t the only ways to convince someone to read on. You can just as easily intoxicate your audience by taking great care with your language, tone, and pacing as you introduce your story.

From the get-go, readers want to know that the author has a deep understanding of everything they’re writing about. If you can convey mastery via the texture of your novel — the time, place, tone, and language — your reader will relax into your story and take your hand for the ride. But if the writing feels absent and vague, they’ll lose interest; so if you opt for a more contemplative and slow-paced opening, just be sure it still signals you know what you’re doing.

One golden tip when it comes to descriptive openings is to avoid excessive exposition, a.k.a. The Infodump. Instead, choose one defined setting, character, or moment, then draw readers into your world by focusing on the senses — sight, sound, taste, touch, smell — so the scene is almost tangible. Ernest Hemingway always did a beautiful job of this, especially in the opening lines to A Farewell to Arms and For Whom the Bell Tolls, the latter of which begins like this:

“He lay flat on the brown, pine-needled floor of the forest, his chin on his folded arms, and high overhead the wind blew in the tops of the pine trees. The mountainside sloped gently where he lay; but below it was steep and he could see the dark of the oiled road winding through the pass. There was a stream alongside the road and far down the pass he saw a mill beside the stream and the falling water of the dam, white in the summer sunlight.”

In classic Hemingway fashion, nothing about this opening passage could be called excessive, yet it paints a vivid picture all the same: the ground carpeted in pine needles, the faraway dark road, the bright foamy water. Clearly, this kind of writing can make for a first line (or first lines) that are just as effective as an unexpected statement, a question, or a catastrophe, so long as it immerses readers in the world of the story.

I know that becoming a master of creative writing is easier said than done. But truth be told, there’s no hard-and-fast rule for what works when it comes to starting a story. It’s all about hooking readers with your originality — and hopefully these tips will help you do just that!

Desiree Villena is a writer with Reedsy, a marketplace that connects authors and publishers with the world's best editors, designers, and marketers. Over 2,500 books have been produced via Reedsy since 2015.

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