Today’s BookBub flog is for a “cat” novel. As an author of cat novels, that leads me to ask you to respond to this poll. You can check more than one item. Many thanks.
Change in flogging focus:In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ variety, although interesting free books may still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning whether or not this opening page clears the hurdle.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the first chapter of The Cat Came Back (The 9 Livers Cozy Mystery Series), a crime cozy. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
"I have to throw that out too?" That was a stuffed kangaroo sent to Noelle all the way from Australia.
"We aren't throwing anything out. We're giving the toys you've outgrown to a charity," Christy Jamieson said patiently. Since she and her daughter were moving from a big house to a very small one, everything had to be assessed before it went into one of the 'keeper' boxes. There just wasn't enough room for all the material goods that had been part of their lives in the rambling mansion.
The kangaroo was one of dozens of stuffies that Noelle hadn't played with for a year or more. Convincing her daughter to give up each toy, no matter how ignored, was a struggle. So far there were more toys in the 'donate' box than in the 'keeper' box, so Christy was winning out. She wasn't sure how much longer her run of luck would continue.
Noelle picked up the kangaroo. "Gerry gave it to me."
He had indeed. Christy could remember when the courier had delivered the small, red-brown stuffie. Frank, her husband and—if she could ever find him—soon to be ex, had looked at it, then commented that Gerry Fisher had probably written it off as an expense against the Jamieson Trust. Christy didn't believe that for an instant. She knew there had been conflict between Gerry and Frank through the years, but she'd always considered Gerry the best of the (snip)
You can read more here. This novel earned 4.3 stars on Amazon. This opening doesn’t suffer from bad writing or a dull voice, but it does suffer. From the lack of a cat (promised by the cover). From lack of a mystery, also promised on the cover. From the lack of tension. From the lack of a story question. Maybe cozy readers are much more patient than I am, but there was literally nothing here that hinted of what the title and cover promised. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
If the person looking at this cover is into cats, then it’s a strong cover. But a person looking for a mystery? Not so much. It’s colorful, and that gives a light mood, and you can expect that in the story. I thought the author name and title were fine. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.