Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ variety. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Here are the first 17 lines of the first chapter for The Dover House Mystery. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
Amabel Grey was hemming the new curtains for Daphne’s room. She sat on a low chair, and the bright orange-coloured stuff lay across her knees and was heaped upon the floor beside her. Daphne had chosen the stuff, but she was not helping to make the curtains.
“I suppose I ought to make her help,” was the thought that slipped into Amabel’s mind, only to be pushed out again. “You can’t make people take an interest in things; but if only Daffy would—”
A little foolish blur of tears came between Amabel and her sewing. It cleared in a moment, but after a few more stitches she let her needle rest, and looked across at Daphne sitting idle in the window seat. Outside the rain was coming down gently, unremittingly. There was an open book on Daphne’s knee, but it was at least half an hour since she had turned a page. The rain came down, and Daphne stared at it.
“She ought to interest herself in things—she ought, but I can’t make her.” The same thought, the same distress which it always brought. “After all, she’s more Agatha’s child than mine—it’s Agatha’s world that interests her, and Agatha’s friends. I suppose it’s natural enough—and of course Little Middlebury is dull, and the weather’s been too dreadful.”
Amabel took another stitch or two. Then she said, speaking rather quickly: “Daffy dear, do come and help with this hem. It would be done in no time if you would.”
You can read more here. This novel earned 4.3 stars on Amazon. There were issues here crying out for an editor. On the craft side of things, there’s treating internal monologue . . . thoughts . . . as dialogue. Confusing, since the one line of actual dialogue is treated the same. Then there’s grammar. This:
but it was at least half an hour since she had turned a page.
Should have been this:
but it had been at least half an hour since she turned a page.
And then there’s the story question, which seems to be whether or not Daffy will help with them hem. If that’s the extent of this mystery, then I’m done. We have a sad, defeated character musing and sewing. Where’s the story? Your thoughts?
Cover critique
While the cover does a good job of establishing the historical aspects of this story and making sure it feels mysterious, it’s so laid back that it lacks the energy you hope for from a story. I long for a touch of red somewhere, or making the band of blue yellow to provide vivid contrast. I think the font style for the cover is fine, and the author name treated well. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.