Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.
Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.
The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.
Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.
What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.
Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.
Kate sends the first page of Pay the Ferryman. The author does not want the rest of the chapter posted.
Exhausted from a week of listening to elderly women sing the praises of Sister Louisa, the previous Parish Visitor, I dragged myself to the home of the last shut-in on St. Mike’s roster.
Adele limped out to her front lawn in fuzzy slippers. She wore a thick
brown sweater over her floral puckered housedress. Though a warm day, she shivered in the breeze.“What are you doing out here, Adele? You’ll catch your death of cold.”
“It’s June hon, don’t worry. I’ll die of the cancer first. But Daisy, what will become of her?” She pointed an arthritic finger to something up in the birch tree.
Her beloved cat, stuck in the tree, howled like a banshee.
“My cousin once coaxed her cat down by getting it to skittle onto a broom covered with a terry towel.” I said.
Adele let me assemble the makeshift landing pad in her kitchen.
We must have looked ridiculous poking at tree limbs, especially with me teetering on a step stool while Adele called out to her cat in an ever more rasping voice. Passing cars honked on the well-traveled street. After a while, a jaunty blue Chevy Caprice parked in front of my bug-eyed orange VW. A nice car for Adele’s humble neighborhood.
A 30ish man in madras shirtsleeves got out and ambled into our predicament. He caught my eye, a broad smile spreading across his face. Deep dimples framed his grin. A businessman (snip)
The voice and writing here are just fine. We’re introduced to a likable, empathetic character in What’s-her-name—the character’s name doesn’t appear until a few paragraphs from the end of the chapter. There’s no clue as to gender on this page, either. I think giving readers a character’s name right up front helps us start to create a “real” person in our minds, and we ought to know whether the character is male or female. So get that stuff up front. Should be easy—Where Adele says “It’s June, hon, . . .” could instead be “It’s June, Meg, . . .”
Okay, now that that’s taken care of, what about story? If you look at the checklist, item number two is Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character. The only thing gone wrong here is the cat up in the tree. Which is not a compelling problem. For one thing, cats generally find their ways down from the trees they climb into. Meg goes right to work to solve a small, non-critical problem. All is well.
Fundamentally, there’s no real tension here, no stakes that matter, no conflict. It’s all very nice. Meg helps Adele. People honk in a friendly way. And a nice man stops his car and comes over to them. Beyond the first page, the niceness and lack of tension continue. At the end of the chapter something does happen to create story tension . . . but will a reader get there?
A thought for Kate: what if the nice man who comes up starts the encounter with a challenge? For example, instead of saying “Nice day to climb a tree.” he says “Are you trying to kill that cat?” and informs her that her approach will never work. Instant conflict, instant tension, high stakes (kill the cat).
This can turn into an argument and more troubles. For example, instead of complimenting Meg on her solution, he criticizes it: "That will never work." She tries, the cat tries but nearly falls and ends up higher in the tree, more afraid. Then he comes up with his solution that works. We see more of her character and his as we see them handle this conflict. It can turn out that the man is just having a bad day in addition to his concern for the cat and he can apologize later, but this story needs some steam to get it moving down the track.
For what it’s worth.
Ray
Submitting to the Flogometer:
Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
- your title
- your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
- Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ. Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
- Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
- And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
- If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
- If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.
Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.
Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Kate.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.