Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the prologue opening from One Last Child. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
It was time to return the children.
Inside the van, the group of children—all blindfolded—sat obediently in their seats. Knees together, each clasping a toy in their hands. They had just been three when they were taken. Three-and-a-half years later, they were six, almost seven.
The driver gripped the wheel, keeping careful control on the steep descent. Stones skittered and rattled like bones in the van’s undercarriage. Far below, the lights of Tallman’s Valley were blinking on.
Twilight was coming in fast.
Sweat pricked the driver’s hands inside woollen gloves. It was vital to stay hidden. Arrive in darkness and leave in darkness. Unseen by anyone but the children.
The returns would need to be swift and efficient. Each child back to his or her home.
All but for one child.
One child would not be returned tonight.
One child would never be returned.
You can read more here. This book earned 4.6 stars on Amazon. I’m often a prologue-skipper, but this one worked well with me. For one thing, it all fits on one page. Hard to resist. And then it raises some fine story questions. Who is the driver? Why does he have children? Why is he turning them loose? And on . . . How about you?
Cover critique
Great mood in this image. The empty swing reinforces the title and stirs an emotional response to implied trouble for a child. If I were to change anything, it would be to have the title in a yellow hue to make it pop more from the black and white background. And it wouldn’t hurt to have the author name a little larger and in the same color. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.