Flogging the Quill

Flog a BookBubber 327 Eric Asher—is there enough tension in this opening?

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

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Next is the first chapter opening from Steamborn. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?

Jacob ran. He heard the shouts of the market guards as they chased him through the muddy cobblestone streets of Ancora. Their armor gave away their position as the metal plates clanged together and their boots fell heavy on the stones.

“There!” a guard said.

Jacob dove under a peddler’s table, scattering rugs and crates as the woman hissed at him to run faster. Jacob grinned when he realized the peddler was rooting for him and not the guards. The armored guards would never be able to dip under the thick stone tables that rested across the ancient troughs. They’d have to go around, or over, and Jacob knew their armor was too heavy for that.

“Get back here, you Lowland maggot!”

Jacob glanced back. The enraged armored forms were momentarily frozen in front of the brightly colored tents and tables before Jacob vanished down an alley. They could still catch him on the next street if he wasn’t careful, or if he wasn’t fast enough.

Something sizzled in a large metal pot near the last stall he sprinted past, and for a moment, Jacob wished it were food in his pocket instead of the loot he’d been lucky to take. He slid around the corner of an old brick house with a tiled roof and slipped into a narrow alley most people never would have noticed. The Highborn guards, used to the wide streets behind the city (snip)

You can read more here. This book earned 4.3 stars on Amazon. This starts with a good action scene, and there’s a story question raised—will he be caught? But then the author leaks all the tension out of the scene by showing him get away to a place where it’s unlikely he will be caught. In fact, the next line on the next page tells us that the guards didn’t have a chance at tracking him. Then the story slips into exposition and backstory. A nitpick: I’ve walked on cobblestone streets, and they are not muddy, they are rocks. This could have been a strong opening if the boy was caught before the end of the page, not escaped. What do you say?

Cover critique

Not great. The title is weak in color, doesn’t pop, and why is it floating at the top of the page? The image does create a sense of setting and mood, and shows a couple of protagonists about to enter a ruin, so there are story questions raised. The author name is an okay size, but the serif font breaks up against the background, a sans serif would have been my choice. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

Flog a BookBubber 326 Anni Taylor—does this prologue earn a page-turn?

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

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Next is the prologue opening from One Last Child. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?

It was time to return the children.

Inside the van, the group of children—all blindfolded—sat obediently in their seats. Knees together, each clasping a toy in their hands. They had just been three when they were taken. Three-and-a-half years later, they were six, almost seven.

The driver gripped the wheel, keeping careful control on the steep descent. Stones skittered and rattled like bones in the van’s undercarriage. Far below, the lights of Tallman’s Valley were blinking on.

Twilight was coming in fast.

Sweat pricked the driver’s hands inside woollen gloves. It was vital to stay hidden. Arrive in darkness and leave in darkness. Unseen by anyone but the children.

The returns would need to be swift and efficient. Each child back to his or her home.

All but for one child.

One child would not be returned tonight.

One child would never be returned.

You can read more here. This book earned 4.6 stars on Amazon. I’m often a prologue-skipper, but this one worked well with me. For one thing, it all fits on one page. Hard to resist. And then it raises some fine story questions. Who is the driver? Why does he have children? Why is he turning them loose? And on . . . How about you?

Cover critique

Great mood in this image. The empty swing reinforces the title and stirs an emotional response to implied trouble for a child. If I were to change anything, it would be to have the title in a yellow hue to make it pop more from the black and white background. And it wouldn’t hurt to have the author name a little larger and in the same color. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

Flog a BookBubber 325 Andreas Christensen—will this opening work outside of the genre?

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Next is the prologue opening from Exodus. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?

Years ago, far too many to remember, the planet had been teeming with life. Its inhabitants had called it Lifebringer, and thousands of species had carved out their existence there. It was a finely tuned system, where every little being had its part to play. Lifebringer was part of a large family, a system of planets, moons, and asteroids dancing around their twin stars. Every rock had its place, and nothing had disturbed it for so long, it was taken for granted that this dance would go on eternally.

Nothing lasts forever though. The twin stars aged and slowly converged upon each other until one day they merged in a cataclysm that ended the dance, ruined entire worlds, and scattered the planets and their moons in every direction. Lifebringer, once the third planet from the larger of the twin stars, survived the cataclysm, but an enormous force pushed it out from its home and into the vast reaches of space. It was alone, and although it didn’t know it, such planets would later become known as rogue planets, orphans in the eternity of space. Light dimmed and, over the years, disappeared completely. The surface got colder, and in time no life remained there. But the planet itself found no rest.

Space is vast and empty, and the stars few and far between, so the planet continued on, aimlessly and without purpose. Years became decades, decades became centuries, and centuries became millennia. Lifebringer had forgotten its past, its family not even a faint memory, doomed (snip)

You can read more here. This book earned 4.1 stars on Amazon. There's good writing in this solid science-fiction-style info dump that sets up the world—in this case, the universe—of the story. To a SF fan, I think this would work just fine. It did with me. I wanted to know what would happen next to this planet, so for me a good, solid story question was raised. If you read on, you’ll find an action-filled opening for the first chapter as it introduces one of the cast. I think the novel could have left out the prologue and just started with that but, on the other hand, the context it provides informs what is happening on the action level. I wanted to read further. How about you?

Cover critique

A solid SF cover. It has all the elements—space, our planet, a comet, a space ship blasting off into an adventure. The title is strong and the author clear. A good-enough cover for the genre. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

Flogometer 1133 for Martha — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

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Martha sends the first page of Ghost Child. As usual, the rest of the narrative is after the break.

The Oregon coast, 1855

Lettie, exhausted, thirsty, and heartsick, dragged her young son by the hand, wondering if either of them could possibly take another step.

But she knew the white “Moving Men” would beat them if they didn’t keep walking, walking, walking.

The white men took our land, now they are making us leave it.

The blows she’d endured stung and burned, but there was a much greater pain Lettie endured: memories of her home, burned to the ground. Her man, dead, shot by the white man’s gun because he would not leave the house he had built. A house with cedar logs over the great pit he’d dug, with stones he’d hauled.

We had to leave behind much wealth, she thought. So many things we need. Things I spent many days collecting, cleaning and setting aside carefully: shells, woodpecker scalps, grey pine seeds, and clamshell money. Money that would buy food for me, my man, and my boy.

She’d lost her moccasins somewhere, and now, the sharp rocks she stumbled across cut her bare feel so painfully that when she glanced back to see how far they’d come, she could see her own bloody footprints.

And next to her footprints were the smaller, bloody ones of Little Buck’s.

The voice is good here, and the writing sound. And we are thrust immediately into the troubles a sympathetic character is experiencing. A story question comes up right away: what’s going to happen next to this woman and her little boy? The writing is pretty tight, but here are some editorial thoughts:

Lettie, exhausted, thirsty, and heartsick, dragged her young son by the hand, wondering if either of them could possibly take another step. ”dragged” gave me an image of the person being dragged on the ground, being, as it were, towed by a hand. Maybe something like “pulled her little boy along”. ”young son” feels cold to me. I think “little boy” would better communicate age and gender in a more natural way

But she knew the white “Moving Men” would beat them if they didn’t keep walking, walking, walking.

The white men They took our land, now they are making us leave it. No need to repeat white men here

The blows she’d endured stung and burned, but there was a much greater pain Lettie endured much greater pain: memories of her home, burned to the ground. Her man, dead, shot by the white man’s gun because he would not leave the house he had built. A house with cedar logs over the great pit he’d dug, with stones he’d hauled.

We had to leave behind much wealth, she thought. So so many things we need. Things I spent many days collecting, cleaning and setting aside carefully: shells, woodpecker scalps, grey pine seeds, and clamshell money. Money that would buy food for me, my man, and my boy.

She’d lost her moccasins somewhere, and now, the sharp rocks she stumbled across cut her bare feel so painfully that when she glanced back to see how far they’d come, she could see her own bloody footprints.

And next to her footprints were the smaller, bloody ones of Little Buck’s.

I think this is a good start for a story that takes place in an interesting time.

For what it’s worth.

Ray

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Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Martha.

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My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Useful tips from another editor

I’m always interested in another editor’s take on what we do, so I checked out a Reedsy webinar with Kristina Stanley on Story Editing: How to Assess and Fix Your First Draft.

Here are a couple of highlights—there’s a lot more good thought and perspective in the webinar.

Your first scene should:

• Kick off or set up the inciting incident
• Introduce the protagonist
• Show the story's ordinary world
• Have struggle, emotional or physical
• Have dramatic tension
• Foreshadow something
• Create tone

No-no’s

• Too much backstory
• Flashback
• Description lists
• Explain too much
• Introduce every character

I learned things, including a model for a good story arc. I suggest you take a look.

For what it’s worth.

Ray

Dealing with fire

The lovely town I live in was hit by wildfire on Tuesday, and I've been without internet until now. Luckily, we have so far escaped unharmed, though some dear friends in neighboring Talent lost everything.

We're now dealing with hazardous air due to the smoke. Frankly, I haven't the focus or will to do a post today, so I just thought I'd let you  know.

Ashland hardly ever makes the national news, but there we were on MSNBC today.

Here's hoping it never happens again.

I'll see you next week. I hope.

Ray

Flog a BookBubber 324 E.H. Davis—how do you feel about bad guys opening the story?

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Next is the first-chapter opening from Oblivion. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?

Armand Laurent picked a summer night when the moon, in its last quarter, shrouded his hiding place in total darkness.

Dressed in black, lying in a thicket a hundred yards from the target, he was nearly invisible. He peered through his binoculars at the farmhouse. Dark except for a fluorescent lamp over the kitchen window. An hour had passed since the other lights in the house had been put out — enough time for all to be asleep. In prison he’d learned the virtues of Zen-like patience and stillness, and could endure long hours motionless, especially if it meant the difference between life and death.

He rose silently from his makeshift blind, stretching, flexing, untensing. He was a big man, six foot four, with a weightlifter’s bulked arms and chest, and a neck as wide as a fireplug. His massive head was tucked between his shoulders, like a prizefighter.

He patted his coat pockets, feeling for the rope cut in measured lengths, duct tape, and a folded commando knife. He had no need to check on his gun, a .44 magnum, tucked snugly into the small of his back.

He would have little trouble gaining entry through the sliding glass kitchen door at the back of the house. They always left it unlocked. He’d been watching for days, always arriving after dark, disappearing before dawn, careful not to leave any signs behind.

While this opener doesn’t explicitly let you knowthat Armand is the bad guy, it sure seems like it (he is). How do you feel about opening a story with the antagonist’s point of view?

You can read more here. This book earned 4.8 stars on Amazon. While this opening page does a good job of raising compelling story questions—what is this armed and dangerous guy about to do?—there are lapses in the narrative that an editor could have helped with.

Two things jumped out at me. One is the paragraph describing the character. In deep third person point of view, and that’s where we are, the narrative should not include things that a character cannot directly see, hear, taste, feel, think, do, or know. In this case, he can’t see what he looks like, though he would know it. More than that, he would not be thinking of his body build at this moment—that’s an author intrusion.

The second thing that popped out was that the last three paragraphs of the page all began with “He . . .” The repetition begins to give the narrative a staccato feel that doesn’t contribute to a reader’s absorption. So, no editor for story reasons, an editor for craft reasons. Your thoughts?

Cover critique

The dramatic use of red and black is eye-catching, and does generate some mood—red is a signal of danger, isn’t it? The title is loud and clear. But what does the image of a bridge over a river tell you about the story inside? Didn’t mean much to me. And, once again, the author is robbed of his proper presence on the cover. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

Flogometer 1132 for Kate — would you turn this page?

Hey, if you’re isolating like I am, get that trunk novel out and get to writing . . . and/or submitting the first chapter to the Flogometer to get free insights into how it’s working.

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Kate sends the first page of Pay the Ferryman. The author does not want the rest of the chapter posted.

Exhausted from a week of listening to elderly women sing the praises of Sister Louisa, the previous Parish Visitor, I dragged myself to the home of the last shut-in on St. Mike’s roster.

Adele limped out to her front lawn in fuzzy slippers. She wore a thick

brown sweater over her floral puckered housedress. Though a warm day, she shivered in the breeze.

“What are you doing out here, Adele? You’ll catch your death of cold.”

“It’s June hon, don’t worry. I’ll die of the cancer first. But Daisy, what will become of her?” She pointed an arthritic finger to something up in the birch tree.

Her beloved cat, stuck in the tree, howled like a banshee.

“My cousin once coaxed her cat down by getting it to skittle onto a broom covered with a terry towel.” I said.

Adele let me assemble the makeshift landing pad in her kitchen.

We must have looked ridiculous poking at tree limbs, especially with me teetering on a step stool while Adele called out to her cat in an ever more rasping voice. Passing cars honked on the well-traveled street. After a while, a jaunty blue Chevy Caprice parked in front of my bug-eyed orange VW. A nice car for Adele’s humble neighborhood.

A 30ish man in madras shirtsleeves got out and ambled into our predicament. He caught my eye, a broad smile spreading across his face. Deep dimples framed his grin. A businessman (snip)

The voice and writing here are just fine. We’re introduced to a likable, empathetic character in What’s-her-name—the character’s name doesn’t appear until a few paragraphs from the end of the chapter. There’s no clue as to gender on this page, either. I think giving readers a character’s name right up front helps us start to create a “real” person in our minds, and we ought to know whether the character is male or female. So get that stuff up front. Should be easy—Where Adele says “It’s June, hon, . . .” could instead be “It’s June, Meg, . . .”

Okay, now that that’s taken care of, what about story? If you look at the checklist, item number two is Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character. The only thing gone wrong here is the cat up in the tree. Which is not a compelling problem. For one thing, cats generally find their ways down from the trees they climb into. Meg goes right to work to solve a small, non-critical problem. All is well.

Fundamentally, there’s no real tension here, no stakes that matter, no conflict. It’s all very nice. Meg helps Adele. People honk in a friendly way. And a nice man stops his car and comes over to them. Beyond the first page, the niceness and lack of tension continue. At the end of the chapter something does happen to create story tension . . . but will a reader get there?

A thought for Kate: what if the nice man who comes up starts the encounter with a challenge? For example, instead of saying “Nice day to climb a tree.” he says “Are you trying to kill that cat?” and informs her that her approach will never work. Instant conflict, instant tension, high stakes (kill the cat).

This can turn into an argument and more troubles. For example, instead of complimenting Meg on her solution, he criticizes it: "That will never work." She tries, the cat tries but nearly falls and ends up higher in the tree, more afraid. Then he comes up with his solution that works. We see more of her character and his as we see them handle this conflict. It can turn out that the man is just having a bad day in addition to his concern for the cat and he can apologize later, but this story needs some steam to get it moving down the track.

For what it’s worth.

Ray

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2019 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2020 by Kate.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.