Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the opening of Chapter 1 in Twisted Vine, a mystery. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
Corpses shouldn’t look like angels.
Special Agent Lei Texeira couldn’t get that thought out of her mind as she shot the body with the Canon. A mane of sun-streaked curls haloed the nineteen-year-old’s colorless face. His mouth was turned up in a bit of a smile, long-lashed eyes almost closed. Muscular, tanned arms, losing their definition in death, contrasted with the crisp white bed linens. His hands were crossed on his chest.
Her partner, Ken Yamada, usually did the photography work, but he was busy doing that other thing he did so well—calming hysteria. This time, Corby Alexander Hale III’s high-powered parents, Senator and Mrs. Hale.
Detective Marcus Kamuela, relegated to the sidelines, leaned his big frame against the wall of a huge bedroom cluttered with surfboards, skateboards, and a mountain bike. He finally spoke, and his voice was tight with irritation. “Don’t know why you guys got called in on this one.”
“We’re investigating a series of suspicious deaths, and with this boy’s parents…It’s political. You know the drill.” Lei spoke apologetically.
Taking over the case had been recommended by Sophie Ang, their information-technology specialist. The tech agent had spotted a trend of inconsistencies in a series of suicides (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. This novel received 4.6 stars on Amazon. Thank goodness, a murder mystery that starts with a body on the first page. So many self-published novels start with setup that this is a relief. The first line has a touch of experiential description that characterizes the cop on the scene by giving a point of view. The rest of the page mixes a little setup with a little conflict and mysterious aspects of the corpse. A good, solid mystery opening. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
Vivid colors are eye-catching, and the silhouettes of a woman holding a gun signal the genre in a good way. The title and author name are done well. A good cover, IMO> Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.