Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
This is not the usual BookBub critique. I found this series back in 2016 and thoroughly enjoyed it. For five novels, I figure 99 cents is practically free. Back then, a majority of readers voted to turn the first page. See what you think.
Next is the first page from The Black Stiletto: The Complete Saga (The Black Stiletto Series, Books 1-5). A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
My mother was the masked vigilante known as the Black Stiletto.
I just found this out today, and I’ve been her son for forty-eight years. All my life I knew she had some secrets, but needless to say, this is a bit of a shock.
At first I thought it was joke. I mean, come on. My mother? A costumed crusader? Yeah, tell me another one. And the Black Stiletto, of all people? No one in a million years would believe it. I’m not sure I do, and here I am being presented with hard evidence.
The Black Stiletto. One of the most famous persons on the planet.
And she’s slowly dying. In a nursing home.
Oh. My. God.
I really don’t know how I’m supposed to react to this.
It was sure something I didn’t expect when I was called to Uncle Thomas’s office this fine May afternoon. He’s not really my uncle; just a friend of the family. I suspect he was my mom’s lover at some point when I was a kid, but they remained friendly and then later he acted as her estate attorney. You see, my mom—Judy Talbot—is seventy-two years old and she’s got Alzheimer’s. It’s a terrible disease and it hit her hard and fast. It didn’t creep up on her like it does with most victims. It was almost as if she was okay one day, and then a couple of years later she couldn’t remember my name. Within five years of the onset of her illness, I had to put her (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. This collection received 4.4 stars on Amazon. I’ve already endorsed this, but here’s my take on this first page. I think the opening line is a fine hook—we can understand the shock of a child learning that his mother was a masked vigilante. For me, interest grew, and story questions were raised, as we learned of her worldwide fame, and being struck by Alzheimers. Then story questions bubble up—what will the son do with this information being foremost among them. I did read on, years ago, and enjoyed this tale of a strong woman character. I think that, for 99 cents, you can't go wrong. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
A strong, simple cover. Colors are good, with the type able to stand out. The large and pretty eyes within a mask offer intrigue, for sure. Works for me.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.