Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the first chapter of Seven Unholy Days, a thriller. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
1:02 PM CENTRAL DAYLIGHT TIME (LOCAL)
GREAT CENTRAL ELECTRIC
YELLOW CREEK COMPLEX
NEAR IUKA, MISSISSIPPI
I felt trouble in Jimmy Lee Tarkleton’s handshake. It was a little strong and a little long. This man liked pissing contests.
“The inspection is scheduled for next week, Decker,” he said.
“If you have a problem, take it up with headquarters. They dispatched me.”
“For what?” He was a bearish man, thick-chested and sturdy, and he showed no sign of moving.
“Three days of excessive grid fluctuations. I’m here to identify the problem and recommend a solution.”
He yanked the handset from a wall phone and dialed. “This is Tarkleton at Central. Put me through to the director, right now.” He paced back and forth, tethered by the cord.
I looked into the fifty-foot-square nerve center of Great Central Electric. Acoustic walls, subdued indirect lighting in a high ceiling, big air-conditioning ducts. Fiberoptic cables fanned out to a long bank of servers and a crescent-shaped console held two rows of flush-mounted displays.
You can turn the page and read more here. This novel received 4.4 stars on Amazon. The character feels trouble right away, but I didn’t. There’s brief “conflict” as the two disagree, but no stakes. As it turns out, the feeling of trouble was a bait-and-switch bit of misleading narrative. The guy doesn’t turn out to be trouble, he turns out to be an ally.
Other than that little tease, what does this opening page have going for it in terms of story? How about zero? This may be a thriller, but not on the first page. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
A dramatic image that, along with the title, does communicate a global problem of some sort. The image is eye-catching, the title is strong, and the author name acceptable in size. It gets an okay from me. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.