Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the first chapter of A Matter of Latitude, a thriller. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
The ocean heaves to its own pulse, angry and insistent, forcing its bulk against the rock; my wet and salty companion, silent, even as it roars. The tide runs high, the wind cyclonic, waves spill their spray into the fisherman's hut through the window cavity. The boom as each wave hits sends a lesser boom through me. )
I'm using a wooden table with a missing leg as a barricade. Also occupying the fisherman's hut are two backless chairs and three wooden crates, their slats rotting and brittle. In a cracked plastic bucket are short lengths of frayed rope, discarded as useless by their owner, along with scraps of fishing net, tangled and no good to anyone. )
I huddle in the back corner of this cold cell of a room with all the detritus, for all the good it's doing me. I can hear the canine, sniffing and whimpering outside: my stalker. The cavity should have been boarded up against the wind and the spray that coats everything in salt. My only comfort, it's too high for the dog. )
The cavity must be too high for the dog or it would have leaped in for the kill by now. Unless it's building up the courage or figuring out its approach. I don't care to think about it. The barricade would be useless against that snarling beast, but I'm not crouched down here on the cold stone floor hiding from a four-legged enemy. )
I reassess the condition of my body. I'm not in good shape. The dog bite on my left calf is (snip)
You can turn the page and read more here. This novel received 4.2 stars on Amazon. Well, there’s jeopardy and peril here, for sure. The scene is fairly well set, and the protagonist clearly has things going wrong. I was going along fine until the next-to -last paragraph, and then clarity issues stopped me.
He says the barricade would be useless—yet the beast is snarling outside and not attacking, so it seems that the barricade is not useless. Then he says that he is NOT hiding from the four-legged enemy outside, perhaps hinting at a worse enemy. For me, this attempt at a teaser failed. Later we learn that he has been in a car accident that he doesn’t think was an accident. In addition to the dog bite he has a broken shoulder, so he’s in dire straits. But, for my money, those things should be included in this first page. All in all, didn’t grab me. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
The bullet hole in the windshield glass is a good element for signaling a thriller, so that’s fine. The typography and the author name work well, too. So the cover passes muster for me, though I wish there were more color to catch the eye. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.