Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the first chapter of The Game You Played. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
There are two types of people in this world. People who steal other people and people who don’t.
There are lots of ways of stealing a person.
Grabbing a small child and running away with them is one of the worst ways of all.
Six months ago, you did that.
In the last days of December, the city of Sydney is shot with the blistering heat of summer, buzzing with festivals and exhibitions. The voices of Chinese, Japanese, British, American and other international tourists mingle with those of Australian couples and families.
At Darling Harbour, people dart in and out of the zoo, museums, and the IMAX, while diners people-watch from the open-air upmarket cafés and restaurants that hug the square-shaped harbour. In the middle of all this, a playground captures the children’s attention. The children grow shouty as they race from the water park to the giant slide to the climbing frames, their hands and faces sticky with ice-cream.
Luke and I were there then with our two-year-old son, Tommy.
You were there, too.
Watching.
Waiting for your chance to snatch him.
You can turn the page and read more here. This novel received 4.4 stars on Amazon. This opener starts out right with its crisp narrative style. Short sentences, short paragraphs, easy reading that adds up to a very strong “What happens next?” story question. The narrator is Tommy’s mother, so she’ll be the one telling us the story. I liked the voice, the quick setting of the scene, the tension that builds without the narrative shouting at us. I want to read this book. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
For me, the cover fails to communicate any sense of danger or urgency, of something that’s wrong. This could just be someone looking at their bills. I think an image that portrays a lost child or a grieving mother would be stronger. Title and author name fine, but could do better with the image.
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.