Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
Next is the first chapter of Soulbound (The Return of the Elves), a fantasy. A poll follows the opening page below. Should this author have hired an editor?
Arlyn shoved trembling hands into her pockets as the elf approached, his long hair shifting in the breeze. Though he moved with relaxed ease, his sharp gaze scanned her from head to toe. Thank goodness she’d left her weapons at camp. The elf carried only a dagger, but Arlyn’s mother had warned her he was a formidable warrior, more than capable of taking her on. She did not want to be mistaken for a threat.
Her fingers brushed the smooth, useless glass of the cell phone in her pocket. It slid against her sweaty palm as she gripped it, though she doubted they’d have service on this world anyway. Her mother had said these Moranaians were different than the elves of legend, but the myths surely weren’t that wrong. Arlyn grinned, despite her nerves, drawing a frown from the approaching elf. Strangers must not often smile at him in the middle of the forest path.
The dappled light shadowed the elf’s young-looking face and made blotches in his dark brown hair. As he stopped a couple of feet away, Arlyn’s breath caught. He looked exactly like the man in the picture her mother had given her, except then he’d been sitting in the forest near her family home. But this was a different world. Though the shadows might look the same, the leaves that cast them were another shape and the trees another species.
Say something, she ordered herself, but only a strangled gasp slipped from her lips.
“You appear to be lost,” he said, his voice smooth and calm. “May I help you?
You can turn the page and read more here. This book received 4.4 stars on Amazon. I enjoy fantasy, especially these days, when it’s not a bad idea to let your mind fly away for a while. The writing here could be a little tighter, but it’s good, and so is the voice. While there’s no immediate threat of danger here, the narrative lets us know that it’s definitely possible. And it does a good job of introducing the fantasy world. Story questions to come up—the man is someone important to her mother and to her. Her nervousness hints at relationships, so we wonder. And I was curious about what happened next when she answered his question. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
A good cover. The typography, the colors, and the fantasyish piece of jewelry clue us in to the nature of the book, and the look of it is quite professional, which is inviting and reassuring. What do you think?
My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.